First Police Experience of the Summer!

After finishing my nighttime patrol of my apartment complex I determined that I was incredibly hungry and needs to drive somewhere to get food. At a party the night before, some people went to get food and I threw a few dollars their way to bring me something back. They brought back McDonalds, and it was delicious. So tonight I headed to the local Golden Archways myself and had some food.

On the way to the place, I pass by a Frat house which I can see police lights at the far side of the house. Only saw two cars so figured it was another retarded Frat function that is a waste of time. I enjoy another 2 Double Quarter Pounders and my drink and head back to my car. On the way back I decide to go check out the Frat house and see whats going on.

On pass one I determine that there are 3 squad cars and 2 SUV's outside with 1 unmarked and a gaggle of Frat/douche bag guys standing there. Having worked with the Police force in a past job I know that this is ALL of there night shift, standing outside this Frat house, talking to these guys. I determine this deserves at least one more pass to get the full effect and get a good laugh out of other peoples misfortune.

Driving down the road for pass two I see a empty lot right across the street (how lucky can I be) and I pull in. Once in said lot I go into "Ninja Mode" and kill all outside lights so the car is basically invisible. Kill the engine and drift across the empty lot until I am literally three feet away from a squad car that is in the road. Ninja Stalk successful, no one had noticed me and now no one can see my car due to it's perfect placement behind the squad car.

Now that I'm in position I Duke's of Hazzard out the open window and stand there. Listen for all of two seconds before someone notices me and starts yelling in my direction. Obviously he is drunk so I have about another 2 minutes of him belligerently yelling at me before one of the Officers turns around and sees me standing there. I know I'm not suppose to be there and so does she. She gives the look of "This isn't gonna turn out well for you if you stay here" so I pretend not to see it and keep starring at the guy yelling at me.

As he keeps yelling, the Officer determines it is time for me to leave. As she walks over he follows halfway over and still yelling at me about whatever, I play dumb citizen and look completely in the other direction at the hospital acting like I'm minding my own business.  At this point Mrs. Lady Cop turns around to tell Frat Fag to shut up and he says to her "no no no no, that dick over there by your car needs to leave, (now yelling at me) THIS IS OFFICIAL PI KAPP BUSINESS!"

Realizing I'm about to end up on the wrong end of something here I quickly throw back my reply
"Oh ya douche-fag, thats why you have 6 Cops out here on your front lawn of you Fag-house!"

This must have enraged the individual who was already yelling at me as he was now running at me Lady cop right behind him. At this point I disregard the door to my car entirely and go in feet first, luckily I land in somewhat of a good driving position. Also saving my ass by leaving the keys in the ignition, I turn it on and still in Ninja Mode (no lights on) peel out and go flying across the parking lot to the exit and then out onto the main road. No one followed that I saw.

Unfortunately I never found out what really happened tonight. Funny to think school hasn't even been out a whole week and these stupid ass frat kids still attracted the ENTIRE UAPD night shift for whatever they were doing.

College Cleaning

Well it is just after 1 AM and my roommate is out so I took the opportunity to pull myself away from my Xbox to do some cleaning. Main areas of cleaning are the Kitchen and Bathroom. 

Kitchen was very easy, put clean dishes away and then fill up dishwasher. Also took the keen opportunity to re wash the dishes my roommate did since he doesn't know how to clean anything, and then put those away too. wipe everything down and call it a day. Here is a picture to prove it:

Moving on to the bathroom. I had cleaned it last weekend so the only real order of business I had was to fix the shower head. Over the last week it had seemed to get really bad water pressure coming out of the shower head, but water pressure was still fine on the spout thing on the bottom. With my amazing Mr. Fix it skills, I derived that the issue was solely in the shower head. 

Easy enough fix. Take the shower head off, find some vinegar oil or whatever it is called and soak it until it works. 

Unscrew the head part from the hose. Here is the hose hanging in the shower:

Now that it's off I go back to my clean kitchen to find the vinegar. No dice.

Problem: It is 1 AM and I have a shower nozzle that is in pieces and since my roommate and I already hate each other I have to find a way to finish this before he gets home. I have no vinegar and I know for a fact that the 7-Eleven and Circle K don't sell it.

Solution: look through all cleaning supplies until I find something that will substitute for a calcium solvent. 

Still standing in the kitchen with have of the shower head dripping all over the place (it surprisingly holds a lot of water) I discover there is nothing of use in the kitchen. move onto the bathroom sink. Open up the doors and with a Aura shinning around it I find this:

Yaaa Buddy!

On the back of the bottle it says for a shower head, soak in a solution of 50/50. I can only assume that means 50 percent CLR and 50 percent water. But who knows. Or cares for that matter.

I go back to the kitchen to find a huge zip lock bag. again No dice. Back to improvising, this is what I come up with:

Oh ya. That is my bathroom sink, with a guesstimated 50/50 solution of CLR and water. So as of currently I am sitting writing this blog, enjoying a well earned drink:

But I'm under 21, so I wouldn't know anything about those types of beverages. I'm just drinking some special water

All in all, 45 min later my roommate still isn't home (YAY!!!) and by the time tomorrow morning rolls around I'm going to have a nice hot shower with some serious water pressure!

College students are forced to improvise and come up with wild out of the box solutions on the spot. I feel that we don't get enough credit for the ingenious solutions we have for everyday problems! 

Food proportions VS Cost

So the new Campus Rec center got this make over and additional gym and such. Much nicer and more spacious. Still overpopulated by dumbfuck frat kids but whatever, thats a different soap box.

Most recently I noticed they have a new restaurant type of thing in there. It is called "Fuel" and they serve things like smoothies and power bars and drinks and have a few options for food. I have only been there twice, both times after fairly strenuous activity so when I happened to stroll on by the Fro Yo thing got my attention. First time I went in, maybe a month ago I ordered a Chocolate & Vanilla Swirl with toppings. It was very good.

Tonight I go back, order the same thing.

Walk up to the counter and some older guy is working, clearly not in college. I assume he must be the owner/manager. He was doing something on his phone when I walked up, but he never put it down. As most of the people who know me, this put me into kill mode. Sorry I have over 6 years of experience in Retail and Sales, please don't make me tell you how to do your job.  Without missing a beat he inputs my order and swipes my card. I'm like "YA! THANKS." It doesn't phase him at all. 

This is what I ordered. 4 dollars and 19 cents. OUTRAGEOUS!

Whatever it is very delicious. 

Please note that this cup is maybe two inches tall and three inches wide.

Paper thin bananas...Bummer. About halfway through this delicious Fro Yo. I was about to take a bite when the person I was with pointed out that one of the bananas was green. I was like, really? Old ass bananas?

So I walk back up to the counter and of course the only two people at the counter are girls. Obviously dumb blonde sorority bitches. I tell one "Ya your bananas are kinds moldy" pointing to the huge blotch of mold on the banana on top. She kind of almost playfully takes it out of my hand and tosses it in the trash behind the counter. WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING she walks over and makes another one then hands it to me. 

Because if the first banana had mold on it, I'm sure the other 100 banana slices wont' have mold on them. It's not like they all sit right next to each other in the counter or anything. Dumb.

This is the second one I got

Size in comparison to some keys

While finishing up this thing, I look over at the counter and they have this beer tap looking thing and a little sign in front of it. While I was to far away to read what it said, the header of the sign was big enough for me to make out "49 cents." Anything on campus that is that cheap I MUST HAVE. 

Walking back up to the counter, there are still only two girls working. Guess I have to make due. Upon further investigation it is a tiny ass cup of water that has some type of bull steroids or some crazy shit stuff in it. They have a few flavors with catchy names like "Ignition" and "Power" and whatever else.  So I order those two flavors. 

They look like normal water. One has a very slight rust colored tint and the other has a blueish hue. 

Well after two big gulps I have a video that depicts me drinking said water:

Yes It did taste much like normal water and I did not feel any form of empowerment from vitamins. 

All in all this little store in the Rec is pretty much a over priced joke. I don't recommend it at all.

Politics on Campus

Allow me to start by saying that this is attempted to be written in the most professional/politically withdrawn form that it could be, BUT that the statements displayed are my own and if you have a problem with them then call your mom and bitch to her that the mean man on the internet said bad things about your beliefs.

Most recently there have been some quite annoying displays of politics on campus (University of Arizona). Of the most recent things there is one that stands out the most to me:

Chain link "Mini" US-Mexico Border Fence


Get back on campus from spring break to find some 6 foot tall chain link fence that is topped with barbed wire. The fence stretches all the way down the mall and there are openings in two or three places where the paved bike path and sidewalks cross. At first this doesn't affect me since I think they are going to lay down new grass or something and I try not to walk on the grass anyway since THATS WHY THERE ARE SIDEWALKS (lets not get me started on that issue).

Monday at lunch time I am on campus doing my thing and notice that there are now little laminated pictures hanging on said fence and there is no new grass. Instantly sparked by curiosity I stroll over to the fence and take a gander at the pictures. My heart sinks when I find out we are now getting new lush green grass, but the fence is there to show how hard it is for Mexicans to get into the US. Now not only am I pissed but also depressed I have to stare at dead grass for another 6 weeks of school. FML.

All along the fence there are pictures and whatnot of "sad" images of people holding hands through the fence and other bullshit like that (yes i'm a cold cold person). Honestly at this point it still has no affect on me, other then having to listen to everyone else bitch and moan about not being able to walk on the grass.

Students from the group that made the fence...Note: he looks like a fagget.

THE problem here is not that I care about the fence and other peoples problems. Lets be honest, There is a border fence there for a reason...to keep Mexicans out. But when I have to see it everyday I start to build the anger inside and that never ends well.

The school is a public place. The school should not have these type of "Protests" that are clearly taking a stance on the issue. The school should be completely removed from any type of opinion with this sort of thing.

Well apparently I wasn't the only one offended. The longer the fence was up, the more vandalism was done. It got to the point where the Fence Company started taking down sections early since people would go out at night and cut holes in the fence so that other students could get through during the day. The funniest thing I saw in the whole occurance was a fake "crucified" body hanging on it. Now I have no idea what kind of statement that made but it was pretty funny to see the fence people get all pissy with it since apparently whoever put it up there made dam sure it was going to be hard to take down.

Best thing about the whole issue (yes this is were I get in a fight) is one day there were students dress up as Fake Customs and Border Patrol Agents. They were out harassing people, If you were white skinned they would let you through and if you were brown skinned they would yell at you to walk around. Thanks to my Polish Complex (ghost white) I was allowed through every time. But that was to easy. I'm Polish, at some point my ancestors had to fight someone to get into or great country.

To make this point I went through the gaps next to these "Border Patrol Agents" a few times:

First time walking through to head over towards the bike rack:
CBP (Customs and Border Patrol) "Sir you are white you may pass"
This being my first time I didn't get it so I put my head down and kept walking. Then I realized what they were doing and the ideas started lining up in my head.

Second Pass:
CBP: "Sir you are white you may pass"
He didn't really side step to let me through so I jumped on the opportunity...
Me: "Impersonating a Federal agent is a felony, so get the fuck out of my way or I will have you arrested!"
He moved very quickly...oddly enough I never saw his face out in the crowd again

Third Pass, with bicycle:
CBP guy kinda had the look on his face like should I try and say my stupid line to him or just get out of his way.
Guess what he choose? Yes he Choose stand there. Yes he was gonna learn very quickly that this was the wrong choice.
Seeing that he wasn't gonna back down I closed the gap and sped up until the last second when the game of chicken, when I jumped off my bike and let it go crashing front wheel to his "Danger Area." In hindsight this was a stupid plan since I no have no easily accessible escape route, but putting the mission first I was gonna ride that airplane into the ground.
CBP #2 came flying over, arms failing trying to help CBP #1 who was now  partially under my bike. I stood there trying to look like I didn't actually just do that on purpose, but CBP #1 knew better. He lost all professionalism as he and robin (CBP #2) took the third huge steps to yell at me face to face. This would be twice now that CBP #1 has made the wrong choice today. I let him yell and act all tough, to be honest I really couldn't remember what profanity he even yelled in my face I just remember him spitting a lot and making me more angry. Much like the true champion I am, my lack of all concern pissed him off even more and just brought him one step closer to me as he screamed at me. After standing there looking retarded for about a minute he stopped yelling, with this confused look on his face. He must have been thinking I was deaf or something since I wasn't even flinching when he yelled.

Me: "You must be a horrible CBP Agent if you didn't even see me coming at you in broad daylight, no wonder no Americans can find jobs because you suck serious ass at your job."
While saying this I side stepped Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb to pick up my bike and pretend to inspect it. They followed and kept yelling at me. I still wasn't listening. Throughout the inspection of my bike I had previously loosed a screw on the water bottle holder thing for this exact reason.

I turn look at CBP #1 and say: "This thing is loose (pointing to water bottle thing) now because you made me crash my bike, I'm going to charge you for that"
CBP #1 "I didn't break that you hit me."
How did I know he was going to say that? Because he was standing there in a fake CBP outfit and didn't hop up and say OMG I'm sorry are you OK? after I crashed it into him.
Instantly I reach for my back pocket and grab my knife. The special knife that it is, it will open up all 6.25 inches (not including serration) of blade when I yank it out of my pocket.

CBP #1 now realizes I am a lunatic and just pulled a weapon out of seemingly nowhere.

Me: "Oh really you didn't break it? Well if I can't fix it now, I will walk YOU over to Campus Police, you know the people with REAL guns, and explain to them how you broke my bike and make sure you pay to have it fixed."
Luckily it was a Philips screw that my knew could easily tighten, so I did.
At this point CBP #1 AND #2 are whiter then I am (very white). So I flip the knife closed, hook it back into my pocket and hop on my newly fixed bike.

As parting words I look over at them, they had taken a few steps back, and say the first thing that came to my head...
"Next time, get the fuck out of my way, OK?"
Probably put me into a whole new level of psychopath since I had a completely serious/ready to kill face, then I smiled when I said OK.

Either way there are a few morals to this story and things to be learned:
1.) It is a public campus, yes it is a great place to spread the word or whatever, but the campus need to dictate how people do this. Said fence should have never been put there.
2.) United States Code: 18912 Impersonating a Federal Agent...thats 3 years in a "Pound me in the Ass Prison"
3.) Some people have no head on their shoulders what-so-ever, people like this should not allowed to dress up like CBP Agents and do this.
3.) I am not a nice person and when you do stupid shit like the above mentioned, I will make sure you do not have a good day.


Here are some links to the Media Coverage about said fence:
Arizona Daily Star

U of A Campus Newspaper: The Daily Wildcat

Fox 11 Arizona

Getting in Trouble for Helping the Innocent

Well it has been a while since I wrote one so here's to getting back into it.

Over the course of the past two weeks I have been busy dealing with school bullshit and in the course of dealing with said bullshit I have found myself in two situations where I think I deserve a reward and yet all I did is end up getting in more trouble.

Instance one:

As I was walking out of a building on campus I was crossing the street and like my parents taught me, I stopped on the curb and looked both ways before making the decision to safely traverse the street. maybe 800 feet away our school shuttle (the CatTran) is turning onto the street. Like most bus drivers they have a schedule and she was obviously trying to stay on it as I could hear the engine powering the bus at 40mph+ around the corner.

Clearly not safe to cross. 

As class had just recently gotten out I was not alone waiting to cross the road. Maybe 7-10 other people standing in a small herd waiting for crazy bus to whiz past. Everyone had made the same decision as to cross the street or not (No thanks, I choose life). Everyone except the one black kid in the class. Headphones in his ears blaring music that hurt my ears, comes walking straight through the group and shoulder checks me as he takes his first step into the street. Being the good person that I am I grab the handle on the top of his backpack and yank his ass back towards the curb. Having had someone grab the handle on my bag while it was on both shoulders is kind of a startling experience. So as I us all my strength to yank him back he does one of those stutter steps backwards and trips on the curb and lands at my feet. right as the CatTran goes flying past he looks at it go past then promptly hops up to his feet and the conversation goes something like this:

"What the fuck honky!? Why you gotta do me like that? Do you fucking know who I am?"

In an attempt to not get my ass beat on the side of a street I respond: "I have no fucking clue who you are but next time I'll let that bus hit your ass."

Walking away I think of 100+ better comebacks but next time I will just watch him get run over by the bus since he obviously has no will to live to the other side of the street.

Second instance a few days later.

Sitting in the Student Union before some club meeting I had to go to I'm sitting at a four person table all by myself and next to me there was a younger looking Asian kid also sitting at a four person table by himself. Apparently March Madness is sort of a big deal or something but as we were sitting there (a trillion other open tables) a herd of black people show up, change the TV from the news channel to ESPN and then turn around and look for a place to sit. 

I usually have a pretty mean look on my face and the second they turned around I locked eyes with the head black man, and I gave him the look of death for changing the channel but it didn't affect him at all. He and said herd surround the Asian kid and: 

"Yo nigga he is just playing some stupid ass gook game"

I offered them to sit at my table but to no avail. 

They continued messing with the Asian guy. In his defense I stood up:
"Hey, he said he will be done soon, sit at this table I am leaving. Stop fucking around with him and sit here"

Well they didn't have the same attitude I did and I was immediately confronted by the herd alpha male.

"Look you pussy ass bitch I want to sit at the gook's table, not your table"

I distracted them long enough not only for the Asian guy to get away but also caused enough of a scene for the Police to be called and escort me away from the black people.

All in all I am going to stop helping people since all it does is get me in trouble. 

Lessons learned:

Black people hate white people who saves their lives.

People don't appreciate what I do

Some Peoples Kids

In many of my past blog topics I have had common run-ins with children who clearly don't give a F*&k about their safety or their surroundings.

Today, in the episode of shopping for birthday gifts for my father, I was aimlessly wandering around Best Buy gawking at things I want but can't afford.

Me Gawking at things I can't afford

Illustrations all done by yours truly.

So as I am walking around the store shopping more for me then my dad. I stumble into the Video Game section. Now with game already in hand I am side stepping people playing the demo games in the aisles. Reading the game box fairly intensely I look up and clear  myself for the tactical movement to the next section and coming around the corner I feel something is not right as I go face first into the floor, things in my hands go crashing everywhere and now I am the center of attention in the entire store.

Apparently there was a little fat child sitting on the floor in the middle of the walking path playing the Wii (and everyone hates the Wii). He must have felt it necessary to plop his fat ass down there while mommy and daddy go shop. Now that I no long have any items in my hands and i'm tangled up in Wii controller cords I look at him and he has the nerve to tell the adult that he just closed lined "You made me die dumbass!!!" 

Knowing that mommy and daddy must be around somewhere and now are probably rolling toward me to protect their offspring, that I have now personally harmed by messing up his video game. I quickly untangle myself and gather my items from the floor and move on without saying a word.

Moments later I make a loop and circle back for round two.

Yup he is still intensely involved by Donkey Kong Wii. Go figure. I move on and continue my shopping.

After I check out (in case you read this...Sorry dad I didn't get you anything at Best Buy) I swing back around for pass number three. Said child's parents are there and from a quick ninja maneuver behind the parents out of the boys sight I hear "Did that mean man hurt you? Did he mess up your game?" After hearing that I quickly dive into the next aisle and B-Line for the exit thinking that these crazy people are going to call Best Buy Secret Police on my or something.

Once outside I just can't help but thinking. What is this world coming to when you let your kid play video games and trip people, then immediately think that the person being tripped is at fault because he made your son loose his video game.

Either way, It is gonna be a funny story to tell at the next social gathering I attend.

Some Peoples Kids...

Pedestrians Verse Paige the Mustang

In two occurrences today I was faced with the option of killing people with my car like pins in a bowling alley. Both around campus, so go figure that college students are retarded. Yet in both cases their were parents directly involved.

Case one:
Sitting at the Red Light on the corner of Mountain and Speedway. I am going east bound on Speedway and the light is red. When the East/West light is red, the North/South light is green. This allows people to walk across the street with the flow of traffic.

This intersection is incredibly dangerous. There are at least two accidents a month. One of those two is fatal. In the most recent a girl was pinned up against one of the buildings on the corner. First responders attempted to back the car off of her but that only pulled her legs farther away from the rest of the body. Ultimately she died in the hospital a day later. Most all accidents at this intersection have similar gruesome stories. Earlier that same day there was a different person hit and was also put in the hospital.

With the high mortality rate at this intersection established we move back to my story.

So sitting at the light you can see the cross traffic light change colors. When it changes to yellow I direct attention back towards where I want to go. As the light turns yellow I see two dumbass kids start running across the intersection. Light is switches to green and no one moves because everyone realizes the problem with this scene. Said children, who are clearly mentally retarded, stop at the island in the middle of the road. (3 lanes East/3 lanes West with a cement island thing in the middle that people can stand on if they don't make it all the way across) I am in the middle lane and take off pacing the Ford Explorer who is in the lane closest to the median. Slowly we make our way across the intersection and right as we get half way through these to kids sprint out into the road. The first kid didn't do so hot at real life frogger. Bouncing off the front end of the Explorer (which was MAYBE going about 10mph) he fell flat on his ass. Second child (girl) split between the Explorer and I is a foot gap and she was lucky enough to split it perfectly. After we all stop and realize that everyone is ok I get back in my car and take off. I personally didn't hit anyone and therefore I personally do not care. Life's tuff kid. You just learned it earlier, way to be smarter then the rest of your class.

Case Number Two (2):
Background information is required as always.
Students around campus think think they are king shit "Lion O, Lord of the ThunderCats, Ruler over Third Earth and all that it contains" "Red Ranger, Leader of the Time Force Power Rangers, saver of common citizens in danger of massive villains"

A Common Mind Set:
I will cross this highway without looking while drinking a coffee and texting with my headphones in.
"Don't worry bro, all these cars going 45 will slam on their brakes and instantly stop, on a dime, to allow your super special magical ass to prance across the road.

This is all the while NEVER IN A DAM CROSSWALK!!!

Driving down the street I see 3 people, 2 old ladies and one kid, caring a bunch of dorm stuff. Walking towards the road from the the parking lot. I have the right of way since there is no cross walk. I surprisingly stop depressing the gas petal to the floor to actually give them the chance to make the first move and walk across the road. All of them decide to stop and stare at me. I proceed to continue to close the distance between me and them. at the 15 foot mark the student of the bunch thinks now is a perfect time to walk across the street. going all of 7mph (it is on campus, and again surprisingly I'm not showing off) this kid and I meet in the middle of the road. He is stepping across the double yellow line as I drive past within 6 inches of him. Sorry your mommy and grand mommy didn't teach you shit as a kid. As the thought crosses my mind that his skinny ass could actually hurt my car I get mildly concerned. He doesn't even stop or jump back. he just keeps walking only now he is yelling in some foreign language that I do not understand. I'm not very cultured but maybe in his country this is a common practice.

Mommy throws a huge fit that I also do not care about as I drive way. I pull around into the dorm to pick up my friend and place the phone call that informs them that their BLACK STALLION DRIVEN CHARIOT HAS ARRIVED (My car)!

While waiting for them to come out I happily reach over and start to devour some delicious McDonalds Dollar Menu items. Halfway through my second wrap thingy this old ass lady carrying a ton of shit walks up to my window and says (In a very Western Europe accent) "You need to learn how to drive!" With a mouth full of food and my mind in McDonalds Food heaven it took a second to process. In this half second process I must not have coughed up whatever response she expected so she kept yelling shit. In my mind I'm think "You have no idea who you are talking to." Most of the time I am convinced I have a serious anger management problem. It took less then a millisecond for me to flip from having an awesome day to channeling all of the worlds hatred into this lady. By the time I have sallowed my food Lady number two shows up.

First words out of my mouth "Maybe you need to learn how to use a crosswalk, becuase thats what they are..." I am RUDELY interrupted by the Mom "We are reporting you to the Police, you hit my son."

That was news to me. Since I was the driver of the vehicle I know I didn't hit your idiot kid. From here my attitude towards these people plummets.

My turn to start the interrupting.

"Maybe if your son looked at me and decided that he WAS NOT bigger then my 2000 pound car, he wouldn't have walked into the middle of a street"

Now that I have put the Honor and Integrity of their family name on the line, It was on like Donkey Kong.

Mom starts out by saying "We are reporting you to the authorities." Charging head first into a battle which I have no fear of loosing: "oh yea well take down my licence plate and call the F$%*'in Cops. I'll even give you my dam phone so you can call them. Then I will take my phone back and call them back and inform them that under Arizona Regulatory Statute 12-1809 I consider your contact with me harassment. That means both of you can get carried off to jail RIGHT NOW. (this next part I was screaming at the top of my lungs) and while I'm on the phone with them I will inform them I am issuing a citizens arrest for J-Walking."

This seemed to move some brain cells in Grand Mom. "We are going to right down your information." Lunatic lady started to move to the back of my car out of sight from the drivers seat waving the pen and the bag of chips in her hand. I would assume that the bag of chips would be were the information about my car would be written.

Realizing that we could have a serious Forrce Protection issue on my hands, Two threats surrounding me, I throw the door open. By the Grace of God I missed the mom. This was the second were both of these ladies realized that I am a crazy mutha&*^! and I am no longer playing nice.

The second I hopped out both of them took off running towards their son who was sitting on top of the case of  water he had been carrying. That was just comical. He clearly didn't give a shit if I hit him or not.

Grand Mom brought the heat with the next sentence. "You F*^#ing Americans are worthless and do not know how to do anything respectfully"

I summoned the heat of one thousands suns into my body and projected my voice as best as possible. "How about you just go home, oh and here is my license plate (pointing at it). I'm not sure were you put it on your cars in your country but in AMERICA we keep it right here." As I danced around the back of my car like the freaking lunatic I was.

By now I had quite created quite the scene. Both my friends were crying laughing so hard. I reach back into my car and snatch the rest of my wrap thing and take a huge bite and continue to yell obscenities at the retreating group with a mouth full of food.

After they had went around the corner out of sight, with still a group of people staring at me, I whip my phone out and on speaker, call the non emergency police number and tell the person on the other end that I would like to report a citizen who is J-walking across a busy intersection and I am concerned for the drivers on the road. The kicker: Operator says "Well if they aren't in a crosswalk, just call us back when they get killed by a car, they have no right of way. Hear from you soon. Have a good day!"

Of the few people left watching this adventure unfold, most of them start laughing at what the 911 operator said and walk away. I promptly sit down and finish my wrap.

Paige the Mustang 2. Pedestrians 0.

Good day. And it was all before 2pm. Def could only get better from that point!