As a follow up to my last post. I have yet another story about trading a firearm.
To stay completely legal some details may be smudged or changed a little, but this is what happened.
Came into a long gun a few weeks ago. Went out and shot it. Realized it's not what I want and I have been toying with the idea of selling or trading it to fund other things. Have had a couple offers from people that I know personally here and there and wasn't really listening to any of them. So finally today I put an ad up for it at around 1400. Within the hour had a few hits. Two caught my interest. One was local one was out of town, about a two hour drive. Not a fan of hoping in the car and driving unless it's a sweet deal, with sugar on top.
After I posted the Ad I grabbed a friend and went to the local gun store. Looked at guns here and there, realized I'll never be able to afford what I really want and decided to leave. Still had the two people waiting for a meeting time.
Decided it can't hurt to go look at one of the ads. guy was just getting off work and wanted to meet. Gave the time and place. The AM/PM Gas station that is basically under the freeway in the middle of town.
Lets take a moment to love Arizona. It's legal here to Strap on a thigh holster with a fully loaded pistol, have a loaded sniper rifle across your back, a tactical carbine in your paws, a concealed gun somewhere on you, and as much ammo as you can carry and go walking around downtown. nobody says anything, or even looks at your weird.
So I get the call from the guy confirming the meeting, go change into my "gun buying outfit" which consists of Tac Pants and a T-shirt with either boots or running shoes and go load up my car with enough weaponry to hold off the Russians for a fair amount of time. (yes it is a sight to see.)
Go to the meeting and right in front of the gas station doors I meet this guy. Younger guy, knows whats he's doing so no worries. The lights are the best there. So I pull out my long gun and he pulls out the gun he is offering in the trade. After we show each other neither of us have loaded guns we show and tell. Waving, aiming, and dry firing guns in front of a gas station with people walking by. Not one person blinks. Some guy walking past even said something like "you guys going shooting?" (it's 9 at night). At least he didn't ask to hold one of the guns.
He agrees to the trade and I give it the OK. ATF is closed so I can't run the serial numbers, that will wait until the next day. We trade email, phone, Drivers numbers and pack up the car, shake hands and go about our separate ways. All in a days work.
Friday, October 28, 2011
My Gun Dealer Antics
If you work for ATF, FBI, or CIA please don't read any further, I don't want to be put on a watch list.
Over the past few months I have become quite the little weapons dealer. There is a local website specific to here in Tucson that is like the Craigslist of Guns. I frequent this page about every hour. Looking for new deals and always trying to buy sell and trade.
The way the website works is the gun ad comes up and you reply to the ad. So the guy that posted the ad can see your email address and whatever you put in the reply but you don't see any of his contact info. Giving the Seller some protection.
In today's world everyone gets email on there phone, so you send the reply and if you give your phone number you'll get a call almost right away. Do a little chit chat, talk about the gun, give the basic specs. If everyone is happy you agree to a meeting. obviously the more well lit, populated places are the safest. Your basically asking to get robbed if your not at a gun store or gas station (lots of cameras).
Looking through ads you can see pics and everything on the site. You see something you like you go to some other websites to check out the price, read reviews on the gun and decide if you want it or not. Decide to meet the guy set up time and place and boom. Trade phone numbers, driver license numbers and gun serial numbers, pay the agreed price and off you go.
On a average day I can move a gun in about 3 hours. Or that is the fastest I have ever done it. ad comes up, you run your checks and meet the guy and buy the gun. Get the gun home clean and lube it, test fire with the snap caps, clean and lube the mags and whatever else it came with, throw the gun back up and a different website with a slightly higher price and you'll have hits within the hour. Start the process over.
Making money isn't the end goal in my world, it's more about the self imposed challenge to trade up to eventually end up with something expensive, in good condition that you love.
Pretty sweet business if you have a knack for up selling stuff and can convince someone to see your side of it.
Over the past few months I have become quite the little weapons dealer. There is a local website specific to here in Tucson that is like the Craigslist of Guns. I frequent this page about every hour. Looking for new deals and always trying to buy sell and trade.
The way the website works is the gun ad comes up and you reply to the ad. So the guy that posted the ad can see your email address and whatever you put in the reply but you don't see any of his contact info. Giving the Seller some protection.
In today's world everyone gets email on there phone, so you send the reply and if you give your phone number you'll get a call almost right away. Do a little chit chat, talk about the gun, give the basic specs. If everyone is happy you agree to a meeting. obviously the more well lit, populated places are the safest. Your basically asking to get robbed if your not at a gun store or gas station (lots of cameras).
Looking through ads you can see pics and everything on the site. You see something you like you go to some other websites to check out the price, read reviews on the gun and decide if you want it or not. Decide to meet the guy set up time and place and boom. Trade phone numbers, driver license numbers and gun serial numbers, pay the agreed price and off you go.
On a average day I can move a gun in about 3 hours. Or that is the fastest I have ever done it. ad comes up, you run your checks and meet the guy and buy the gun. Get the gun home clean and lube it, test fire with the snap caps, clean and lube the mags and whatever else it came with, throw the gun back up and a different website with a slightly higher price and you'll have hits within the hour. Start the process over.
Making money isn't the end goal in my world, it's more about the self imposed challenge to trade up to eventually end up with something expensive, in good condition that you love.
Pretty sweet business if you have a knack for up selling stuff and can convince someone to see your side of it.
Passing Police Cars while Driving?
When driving around eating doughnuts Cops always go above or below the speed limit. They do this for the sole purpose of pissing you off while proving they are above the law.
Well i'm tired of this shit. So I personally take a stand to either get in their way and go WAY under the speed limit, fly past them go tailgate like I'm driving the Indy 500 (and on most days I am). This concept usually works pretty well as when you fly past them you can weave into traffic and make a turn somewhere in the near future or cut them off and slam on the brakes and act lost. You can tell when your plan is working because they will flash their lights which means "get the fuck outta my way" or they drive past and give some type of hand motion that says "What the hell are you doing." So far this plan has never backfired, once they are out of sight it's back to driving like I just stole it.
Key words were "SO FAR"
Driving around tonight I was getting on the freeway and saw a cop turning in front of my to get onto the on ramp. The car was probably about 1000ft in front of me and he was on the on ramp. Game time. Pedal to the metal and I'm on his ass inside of 2 seconds as he is laa-dee-daa'ing his way up the ramp on onto the freeway. like most shitty Tucson drivers, they fail to realize cars on the freeway go fast, much faster then their current speed. So as semi's are blasting past me and this cop, who is all of 3 feet bumper to bumper in front of me, I merge over the little white lines and jump in behind yet another semi who is flying past.
At this point all my actions are justifiable. I am merging onto a FREEWAY and need to match the speed of the flow of traffic. The car in front of me( the cop) is not accelerating a speed which I feel is a safe highway speed and therefore I feel that I'm going to either get rear ended by a passing car or have to take the next exit and try again.
Once I get in behind the semi and match his speed I pass the cop, who now is obviously annoyed with me. I hop to the next lane over and stomp it again and fly past the semi. Cruising down the highway I see the cop get around the semi and floor it until he is on my ass, much like cops do when they are running your plates. So I brake check him, trying to taunt him as if saying "Do it, pull me over!" Anticipating blue and red lights within the next 10 seconds I get over in the slow lane, cop still riding my ass. We go about another 2 miles at 45 with traffic flying past us and clearly merging to get around us.
At this point I have had it. Speed limit is 65 so I can do 80 safely and my exit is now coming up. So once again I floor it and leave the cop in the dust. right as I start pulling off into the exit lane here comes the cop, probably doing about 100 to "one up" me. I time it right look over and flick him off.
His response. Turn on his red and blue flashy lights, cut me off and fly down the exit, through the red light at the intersection then turn his lights off on the other side and get on the on ramp back onto the freeway.
Cop 1 Me 0
Well i'm tired of this shit. So I personally take a stand to either get in their way and go WAY under the speed limit, fly past them go tailgate like I'm driving the Indy 500 (and on most days I am). This concept usually works pretty well as when you fly past them you can weave into traffic and make a turn somewhere in the near future or cut them off and slam on the brakes and act lost. You can tell when your plan is working because they will flash their lights which means "get the fuck outta my way" or they drive past and give some type of hand motion that says "What the hell are you doing." So far this plan has never backfired, once they are out of sight it's back to driving like I just stole it.
Key words were "SO FAR"
Driving around tonight I was getting on the freeway and saw a cop turning in front of my to get onto the on ramp. The car was probably about 1000ft in front of me and he was on the on ramp. Game time. Pedal to the metal and I'm on his ass inside of 2 seconds as he is laa-dee-daa'ing his way up the ramp on onto the freeway. like most shitty Tucson drivers, they fail to realize cars on the freeway go fast, much faster then their current speed. So as semi's are blasting past me and this cop, who is all of 3 feet bumper to bumper in front of me, I merge over the little white lines and jump in behind yet another semi who is flying past.
At this point all my actions are justifiable. I am merging onto a FREEWAY and need to match the speed of the flow of traffic. The car in front of me( the cop) is not accelerating a speed which I feel is a safe highway speed and therefore I feel that I'm going to either get rear ended by a passing car or have to take the next exit and try again.
Once I get in behind the semi and match his speed I pass the cop, who now is obviously annoyed with me. I hop to the next lane over and stomp it again and fly past the semi. Cruising down the highway I see the cop get around the semi and floor it until he is on my ass, much like cops do when they are running your plates. So I brake check him, trying to taunt him as if saying "Do it, pull me over!" Anticipating blue and red lights within the next 10 seconds I get over in the slow lane, cop still riding my ass. We go about another 2 miles at 45 with traffic flying past us and clearly merging to get around us.
At this point I have had it. Speed limit is 65 so I can do 80 safely and my exit is now coming up. So once again I floor it and leave the cop in the dust. right as I start pulling off into the exit lane here comes the cop, probably doing about 100 to "one up" me. I time it right look over and flick him off.
His response. Turn on his red and blue flashy lights, cut me off and fly down the exit, through the red light at the intersection then turn his lights off on the other side and get on the on ramp back onto the freeway.
Cop 1 Me 0
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Finding a Sponsorship in a Socialist Economy
For the last 3 or 4 months I have been looking for a sponsorship for myself and for the U of A team. This is quite the challenge. Having absolutely no idea of how to go about this I figured the easiest way to do this would be to pick up the phone and call people and tell them who I am and what I want. Easier said then done.
Since I just bought a super expensive Browning Shotgun, I decided to call them first. After spending half my day on hold I reached the Marketing/Media department.
This was the first lesson, instantly call a company and ask for the Marketing/Media/Sponsorship Department.
After I go through my little dissertation of who I am and what I want, The lady on the other end of the phone informs me that the Browning Image only sponsors teams that already has a "small time sponsor" such as a local gun store or gun club. At first i was quite shocked. I just paid 1/200th of a million dollars for a shotgun from your company and you won't even give me the time of day.
Next company I have in mind is Briley, they make the choke tubes that I also paid a large amount of money for. For as big as a company as they are, they have a extremely small staff. I contacted them and went through the same process only to end up with the same result. They also said I need to have a small time sponsorship in order to be considered by them.
Throughout the process of this phone call I had been looking on the Briley website and found another choke tube set that I REALLY liked. of course these were 60 bucks a tube, and there are 7 tubes.
After this somewhat depressing call I took to looking up every gun store in Tucson, which was fairly easy since I'm at each establishment once a week. being at each store once a week I am a well known customer and well known customers know the owners of the establishments.
Every place I called I got the same answer: They aren't making enough money to be able to give me or the U of A team anything. Thanks to Mr. Obama and our awesome economy I am now in debt up to my eyeballs paying for this stuff myself, spending easily 300 dollars in a weekend.
The last place I call is a local Police Supply Store way out on the complete other side of town. After many emails back and forth I finally get a meeting. Of course looking like a total badass, FBI black suit with a white shirt and tie, sporting a Kimber and my shotgun with my black portfolio. After we talked shotguns and shooting in general, he said he'll let me know what him and the company can do. I did have to pick his mouth up off the ground after I told him my personal cost for a weekend of shooting, totaling about 300-350 dollars in two days.
After a few more emails and phones calls I ended up getting another meeting. Which after the time that had elapsed between the last meeting, any news was good news. In the end the owner of the company ended up giving us everything he could, which straight money was not a lot, but the connection had been made and now I have a company that can back my habit and a person to turn to in the event I need anything. Especially the free hats for the entire team, a person can never have enough hats.
Immediately after I had the check in my possession I was back on the phone with Browning, Bretta, Fiocchi, Remington, BlackHawk! and 5.11 Tactical. it is alarming how fast I how to speak to different people in somewhat higher places. That very day I had two pages of names and contact information for companies to send my information to.
The next day I had sent out 3 faxes to 3 different brand name companies and a ton of emails to other companies. So far I have gotten one reply from 5.11 Tactical. Remington and Fiocchi have phone teleconferences with me on Friday and Monday respectively.
All in all not to bad for just under 4 months of work. Although the cost is still mounting as this weekend I am on the road to shoot at two different facilities in a different part of the state. Kind of depressing when you entire paycheck is gone within 6 hours of getting it.
Moral of this story here is That if anyone reading this has an excess of money I would like some. Also that getting someone to sponsor you is an incredibly fucking painful process. Will keep this updated as it goes.
Since I just bought a super expensive Browning Shotgun, I decided to call them first. After spending half my day on hold I reached the Marketing/Media department.
This was the first lesson, instantly call a company and ask for the Marketing/Media/Sponsorship Department.
After I go through my little dissertation of who I am and what I want, The lady on the other end of the phone informs me that the Browning Image only sponsors teams that already has a "small time sponsor" such as a local gun store or gun club. At first i was quite shocked. I just paid 1/200th of a million dollars for a shotgun from your company and you won't even give me the time of day.
Next company I have in mind is Briley, they make the choke tubes that I also paid a large amount of money for. For as big as a company as they are, they have a extremely small staff. I contacted them and went through the same process only to end up with the same result. They also said I need to have a small time sponsorship in order to be considered by them.
Throughout the process of this phone call I had been looking on the Briley website and found another choke tube set that I REALLY liked. of course these were 60 bucks a tube, and there are 7 tubes.
After this somewhat depressing call I took to looking up every gun store in Tucson, which was fairly easy since I'm at each establishment once a week. being at each store once a week I am a well known customer and well known customers know the owners of the establishments.
Every place I called I got the same answer: They aren't making enough money to be able to give me or the U of A team anything. Thanks to Mr. Obama and our awesome economy I am now in debt up to my eyeballs paying for this stuff myself, spending easily 300 dollars in a weekend.
The last place I call is a local Police Supply Store way out on the complete other side of town. After many emails back and forth I finally get a meeting. Of course looking like a total badass, FBI black suit with a white shirt and tie, sporting a Kimber and my shotgun with my black portfolio. After we talked shotguns and shooting in general, he said he'll let me know what him and the company can do. I did have to pick his mouth up off the ground after I told him my personal cost for a weekend of shooting, totaling about 300-350 dollars in two days.
After a few more emails and phones calls I ended up getting another meeting. Which after the time that had elapsed between the last meeting, any news was good news. In the end the owner of the company ended up giving us everything he could, which straight money was not a lot, but the connection had been made and now I have a company that can back my habit and a person to turn to in the event I need anything. Especially the free hats for the entire team, a person can never have enough hats.
Immediately after I had the check in my possession I was back on the phone with Browning, Bretta, Fiocchi, Remington, BlackHawk! and 5.11 Tactical. it is alarming how fast I how to speak to different people in somewhat higher places. That very day I had two pages of names and contact information for companies to send my information to.
The next day I had sent out 3 faxes to 3 different brand name companies and a ton of emails to other companies. So far I have gotten one reply from 5.11 Tactical. Remington and Fiocchi have phone teleconferences with me on Friday and Monday respectively.
All in all not to bad for just under 4 months of work. Although the cost is still mounting as this weekend I am on the road to shoot at two different facilities in a different part of the state. Kind of depressing when you entire paycheck is gone within 6 hours of getting it.
Moral of this story here is That if anyone reading this has an excess of money I would like some. Also that getting someone to sponsor you is an incredibly fucking painful process. Will keep this updated as it goes.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Second adventure Shooting on DM-AFB
So the most recent weekend shooting adventure happened at DM-AFB with my dad. had an optional practice on Saturday Morning so I asked my dad to come with me to the base trap and skeet range to have fun and not really care about anything other then discharging a weapon and having fun. Of course it was another interesting day with a group of somewhat clueless people swinging shotguns around.
Got there before they opened like usual and no one but my dad and I are out there. The two skeet fields are packed with people so we thought we had gotten luck and could goof around shooting by ourselves. That last a whole 3 min before people showed up from no where and started asking two shoot with us, including a 98 year old lady and two Colonel looking guys. Assuming everyone knows what they are doing my dad and I take up station and the others follow in suit. Only at this point do my dad and I realize that the 2 Colonel looking guys have no idea what they are doing. The fact that they were using 20g guns should have been a red flag (real men shoot a 12).
As we get up there these two guys ask what we are supposed to do. At this point I'm in super shooting mode and don't want to take to time explain the rules of the sport other then "Stand there, yell something like "Pull!" and then shoot at the bird." Both the guys nod at me like they are having a seizure. Then they proceed to just lay their shotguns down on the ground, take out some shells of the box, also on the ground and load them into the shotgun. Breaking like 5 ranges laws and one life law that you never become separated from your weapon. At this point if zombies come I would trip these two guys and run. Sorry guys, someone has to be zombie bait.
I forgot the little shell carrier pouch thing for my dad. So like the badass he is, just dumps the shells in his pockets and is ready to go, why the two Colonels couldn't figure out how to use their pockets no one will ever figure out.
After the first round we all go back and regroup, next round up we need a puller and the old lady says she'll do it. So With shotgun in hand I walk over and offer the old lady my arm and walk her out to the stand. Total ladies man that I am. Pretty sure I could have gotten a kiss if I tried, or at least some free cookies. My dad was also laughing at my suave.
We get out on the line and are talking and goofing around for about 45 seconds when the old lady yells "Are you kids gonna shoot or just socialize all day!" That got us down to business.
Overall it was a good day, dropped one bird on every round so no perfects, but still better then most.
Got there before they opened like usual and no one but my dad and I are out there. The two skeet fields are packed with people so we thought we had gotten luck and could goof around shooting by ourselves. That last a whole 3 min before people showed up from no where and started asking two shoot with us, including a 98 year old lady and two Colonel looking guys. Assuming everyone knows what they are doing my dad and I take up station and the others follow in suit. Only at this point do my dad and I realize that the 2 Colonel looking guys have no idea what they are doing. The fact that they were using 20g guns should have been a red flag (real men shoot a 12).
As we get up there these two guys ask what we are supposed to do. At this point I'm in super shooting mode and don't want to take to time explain the rules of the sport other then "Stand there, yell something like "Pull!" and then shoot at the bird." Both the guys nod at me like they are having a seizure. Then they proceed to just lay their shotguns down on the ground, take out some shells of the box, also on the ground and load them into the shotgun. Breaking like 5 ranges laws and one life law that you never become separated from your weapon. At this point if zombies come I would trip these two guys and run. Sorry guys, someone has to be zombie bait.
I forgot the little shell carrier pouch thing for my dad. So like the badass he is, just dumps the shells in his pockets and is ready to go, why the two Colonels couldn't figure out how to use their pockets no one will ever figure out.
After the first round we all go back and regroup, next round up we need a puller and the old lady says she'll do it. So With shotgun in hand I walk over and offer the old lady my arm and walk her out to the stand. Total ladies man that I am. Pretty sure I could have gotten a kiss if I tried, or at least some free cookies. My dad was also laughing at my suave.
We get out on the line and are talking and goofing around for about 45 seconds when the old lady yells "Are you kids gonna shoot or just socialize all day!" That got us down to business.
Overall it was a good day, dropped one bird on every round so no perfects, but still better then most.
Friday, May 20, 2011
First Police Experience of the Summer!
After finishing my nighttime patrol of my apartment complex I determined that I was incredibly hungry and needs to drive somewhere to get food. At a party the night before, some people went to get food and I threw a few dollars their way to bring me something back. They brought back McDonalds, and it was delicious. So tonight I headed to the local Golden Archways myself and had some food.
On the way to the place, I pass by a Frat house which I can see police lights at the far side of the house. Only saw two cars so figured it was another retarded Frat function that is a waste of time. I enjoy another 2 Double Quarter Pounders and my drink and head back to my car. On the way back I decide to go check out the Frat house and see whats going on.
On pass one I determine that there are 3 squad cars and 2 SUV's outside with 1 unmarked and a gaggle of Frat/douche bag guys standing there. Having worked with the Police force in a past job I know that this is ALL of there night shift, standing outside this Frat house, talking to these guys. I determine this deserves at least one more pass to get the full effect and get a good laugh out of other peoples misfortune.
Driving down the road for pass two I see a empty lot right across the street (how lucky can I be) and I pull in. Once in said lot I go into "Ninja Mode" and kill all outside lights so the car is basically invisible. Kill the engine and drift across the empty lot until I am literally three feet away from a squad car that is in the road. Ninja Stalk successful, no one had noticed me and now no one can see my car due to it's perfect placement behind the squad car.
Now that I'm in position I Duke's of Hazzard out the open window and stand there. Listen for all of two seconds before someone notices me and starts yelling in my direction. Obviously he is drunk so I have about another 2 minutes of him belligerently yelling at me before one of the Officers turns around and sees me standing there. I know I'm not suppose to be there and so does she. She gives the look of "This isn't gonna turn out well for you if you stay here" so I pretend not to see it and keep starring at the guy yelling at me.
As he keeps yelling, the Officer determines it is time for me to leave. As she walks over he follows halfway over and still yelling at me about whatever, I play dumb citizen and look completely in the other direction at the hospital acting like I'm minding my own business. At this point Mrs. Lady Cop turns around to tell Frat Fag to shut up and he says to her "no no no no, that dick over there by your car needs to leave, (now yelling at me) THIS IS OFFICIAL PI KAPP BUSINESS!"
Realizing I'm about to end up on the wrong end of something here I quickly throw back my reply
"Oh ya douche-fag, thats why you have 6 Cops out here on your front lawn of you Fag-house!"
This must have enraged the individual who was already yelling at me as he was now running at me Lady cop right behind him. At this point I disregard the door to my car entirely and go in feet first, luckily I land in somewhat of a good driving position. Also saving my ass by leaving the keys in the ignition, I turn it on and still in Ninja Mode (no lights on) peel out and go flying across the parking lot to the exit and then out onto the main road. No one followed that I saw.
Unfortunately I never found out what really happened tonight. Funny to think school hasn't even been out a whole week and these stupid ass frat kids still attracted the ENTIRE UAPD night shift for whatever they were doing.
On the way to the place, I pass by a Frat house which I can see police lights at the far side of the house. Only saw two cars so figured it was another retarded Frat function that is a waste of time. I enjoy another 2 Double Quarter Pounders and my drink and head back to my car. On the way back I decide to go check out the Frat house and see whats going on.
On pass one I determine that there are 3 squad cars and 2 SUV's outside with 1 unmarked and a gaggle of Frat/douche bag guys standing there. Having worked with the Police force in a past job I know that this is ALL of there night shift, standing outside this Frat house, talking to these guys. I determine this deserves at least one more pass to get the full effect and get a good laugh out of other peoples misfortune.
Driving down the road for pass two I see a empty lot right across the street (how lucky can I be) and I pull in. Once in said lot I go into "Ninja Mode" and kill all outside lights so the car is basically invisible. Kill the engine and drift across the empty lot until I am literally three feet away from a squad car that is in the road. Ninja Stalk successful, no one had noticed me and now no one can see my car due to it's perfect placement behind the squad car.
Now that I'm in position I Duke's of Hazzard out the open window and stand there. Listen for all of two seconds before someone notices me and starts yelling in my direction. Obviously he is drunk so I have about another 2 minutes of him belligerently yelling at me before one of the Officers turns around and sees me standing there. I know I'm not suppose to be there and so does she. She gives the look of "This isn't gonna turn out well for you if you stay here" so I pretend not to see it and keep starring at the guy yelling at me.
As he keeps yelling, the Officer determines it is time for me to leave. As she walks over he follows halfway over and still yelling at me about whatever, I play dumb citizen and look completely in the other direction at the hospital acting like I'm minding my own business. At this point Mrs. Lady Cop turns around to tell Frat Fag to shut up and he says to her "no no no no, that dick over there by your car needs to leave, (now yelling at me) THIS IS OFFICIAL PI KAPP BUSINESS!"
Realizing I'm about to end up on the wrong end of something here I quickly throw back my reply
"Oh ya douche-fag, thats why you have 6 Cops out here on your front lawn of you Fag-house!"
This must have enraged the individual who was already yelling at me as he was now running at me Lady cop right behind him. At this point I disregard the door to my car entirely and go in feet first, luckily I land in somewhat of a good driving position. Also saving my ass by leaving the keys in the ignition, I turn it on and still in Ninja Mode (no lights on) peel out and go flying across the parking lot to the exit and then out onto the main road. No one followed that I saw.
Unfortunately I never found out what really happened tonight. Funny to think school hasn't even been out a whole week and these stupid ass frat kids still attracted the ENTIRE UAPD night shift for whatever they were doing.
Friday, April 15, 2011
College Cleaning
Well it is just after 1 AM and my roommate is out so I took the opportunity to pull myself away from my Xbox to do some cleaning. Main areas of cleaning are the Kitchen and Bathroom.
Kitchen was very easy, put clean dishes away and then fill up dishwasher. Also took the keen opportunity to re wash the dishes my roommate did since he doesn't know how to clean anything, and then put those away too. wipe everything down and call it a day. Here is a picture to prove it:
Moving on to the bathroom. I had cleaned it last weekend so the only real order of business I had was to fix the shower head. Over the last week it had seemed to get really bad water pressure coming out of the shower head, but water pressure was still fine on the spout thing on the bottom. With my amazing Mr. Fix it skills, I derived that the issue was solely in the shower head.
Easy enough fix. Take the shower head off, find some vinegar oil or whatever it is called and soak it until it works.
Unscrew the head part from the hose. Here is the hose hanging in the shower:
Now that it's off I go back to my clean kitchen to find the vinegar. No dice.
Problem: It is 1 AM and I have a shower nozzle that is in pieces and since my roommate and I already hate each other I have to find a way to finish this before he gets home. I have no vinegar and I know for a fact that the 7-Eleven and Circle K don't sell it.
Solution: look through all cleaning supplies until I find something that will substitute for a calcium solvent.
Still standing in the kitchen with have of the shower head dripping all over the place (it surprisingly holds a lot of water) I discover there is nothing of use in the kitchen. move onto the bathroom sink. Open up the doors and with a Aura shinning around it I find this:
Yaaa Buddy!
On the back of the bottle it says for a shower head, soak in a solution of 50/50. I can only assume that means 50 percent CLR and 50 percent water. But who knows. Or cares for that matter.
I go back to the kitchen to find a huge zip lock bag. again No dice. Back to improvising, this is what I come up with:
Oh ya. That is my bathroom sink, with a guesstimated 50/50 solution of CLR and water. So as of currently I am sitting writing this blog, enjoying a well earned drink:
But I'm under 21, so I wouldn't know anything about those types of beverages. I'm just drinking some special water
All in all, 45 min later my roommate still isn't home (YAY!!!) and by the time tomorrow morning rolls around I'm going to have a nice hot shower with some serious water pressure!
College students are forced to improvise and come up with wild out of the box solutions on the spot. I feel that we don't get enough credit for the ingenious solutions we have for everyday problems!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Food proportions VS Cost
So the new Campus Rec center got this make over and additional gym and such. Much nicer and more spacious. Still overpopulated by dumbfuck frat kids but whatever, thats a different soap box.
Walk up to the counter and some older guy is working, clearly not in college. I assume he must be the owner/manager. He was doing something on his phone when I walked up, but he never put it down. As most of the people who know me, this put me into kill mode. Sorry I have over 6 years of experience in Retail and Sales, please don't make me tell you how to do your job. Without missing a beat he inputs my order and swipes my card. I'm like "YA! THANKS." It doesn't phase him at all.
Most recently I noticed they have a new restaurant type of thing in there. It is called "Fuel" and they serve things like smoothies and power bars and drinks and have a few options for food. I have only been there twice, both times after fairly strenuous activity so when I happened to stroll on by the Fro Yo thing got my attention. First time I went in, maybe a month ago I ordered a Chocolate & Vanilla Swirl with toppings. It was very good.
Tonight I go back, order the same thing.
Walk up to the counter and some older guy is working, clearly not in college. I assume he must be the owner/manager. He was doing something on his phone when I walked up, but he never put it down. As most of the people who know me, this put me into kill mode. Sorry I have over 6 years of experience in Retail and Sales, please don't make me tell you how to do your job. Without missing a beat he inputs my order and swipes my card. I'm like "YA! THANKS." It doesn't phase him at all.
This is what I ordered. 4 dollars and 19 cents. OUTRAGEOUS!
Whatever it is very delicious.
Please note that this cup is maybe two inches tall and three inches wide.
Paper thin bananas...Bummer. About halfway through this delicious Fro Yo. I was about to take a bite when the person I was with pointed out that one of the bananas was green. I was like, really? Old ass bananas?
So I walk back up to the counter and of course the only two people at the counter are girls. Obviously dumb blonde sorority bitches. I tell one "Ya your bananas are kinds moldy" pointing to the huge blotch of mold on the banana on top. She kind of almost playfully takes it out of my hand and tosses it in the trash behind the counter. WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING she walks over and makes another one then hands it to me.
Because if the first banana had mold on it, I'm sure the other 100 banana slices wont' have mold on them. It's not like they all sit right next to each other in the counter or anything. Dumb.
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This is the second one I got |
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Size in comparison to some keys |
While finishing up this thing, I look over at the counter and they have this beer tap looking thing and a little sign in front of it. While I was to far away to read what it said, the header of the sign was big enough for me to make out "49 cents." Anything on campus that is that cheap I MUST HAVE.
Walking back up to the counter, there are still only two girls working. Guess I have to make due. Upon further investigation it is a tiny ass cup of water that has some type of bull steroids or some crazy shit stuff in it. They have a few flavors with catchy names like "Ignition" and "Power" and whatever else. So I order those two flavors.
They look like normal water. One has a very slight rust colored tint and the other has a blueish hue.
Well after two big gulps I have a video that depicts me drinking said water:
Yes It did taste much like normal water and I did not feel any form of empowerment from vitamins.
All in all this little store in the Rec is pretty much a over priced joke. I don't recommend it at all.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Politics on Campus
Allow me to start by saying that this is attempted to be written in the most professional/politically withdrawn form that it could be, BUT that the statements displayed are my own and if you have a problem with them then call your mom and bitch to her that the mean man on the internet said bad things about your beliefs.
Most recently there have been some quite annoying displays of politics on campus (University of Arizona). Of the most recent things there is one that stands out the most to me:
Chain link "Mini" US-Mexico Border Fence
Get back on campus from spring break to find some 6 foot tall chain link fence that is topped with barbed wire. The fence stretches all the way down the mall and there are openings in two or three places where the paved bike path and sidewalks cross. At first this doesn't affect me since I think they are going to lay down new grass or something and I try not to walk on the grass anyway since THATS WHY THERE ARE SIDEWALKS (lets not get me started on that issue).
Monday at lunch time I am on campus doing my thing and notice that there are now little laminated pictures hanging on said fence and there is no new grass. Instantly sparked by curiosity I stroll over to the fence and take a gander at the pictures. My heart sinks when I find out we are now getting new lush green grass, but the fence is there to show how hard it is for Mexicans to get into the US. Now not only am I pissed but also depressed I have to stare at dead grass for another 6 weeks of school. FML.
All along the fence there are pictures and whatnot of "sad" images of people holding hands through the fence and other bullshit like that (yes i'm a cold cold person). Honestly at this point it still has no affect on me, other then having to listen to everyone else bitch and moan about not being able to walk on the grass.
THE problem here is not that I care about the fence and other peoples problems. Lets be honest, There is a border fence there for a reason...to keep Mexicans out. But when I have to see it everyday I start to build the anger inside and that never ends well.
The school is a public place. The school should not have these type of "Protests" that are clearly taking a stance on the issue. The school should be completely removed from any type of opinion with this sort of thing.
Well apparently I wasn't the only one offended. The longer the fence was up, the more vandalism was done. It got to the point where the Fence Company started taking down sections early since people would go out at night and cut holes in the fence so that other students could get through during the day. The funniest thing I saw in the whole occurance was a fake "crucified" body hanging on it. Now I have no idea what kind of statement that made but it was pretty funny to see the fence people get all pissy with it since apparently whoever put it up there made dam sure it was going to be hard to take down.
Best thing about the whole issue (yes this is were I get in a fight) is one day there were students dress up as Fake Customs and Border Patrol Agents. They were out harassing people, If you were white skinned they would let you through and if you were brown skinned they would yell at you to walk around. Thanks to my Polish Complex (ghost white) I was allowed through every time. But that was to easy. I'm Polish, at some point my ancestors had to fight someone to get into or great country.
To make this point I went through the gaps next to these "Border Patrol Agents" a few times:
First time walking through to head over towards the bike rack:
CBP (Customs and Border Patrol) "Sir you are white you may pass"
This being my first time I didn't get it so I put my head down and kept walking. Then I realized what they were doing and the ideas started lining up in my head.
Second Pass:
CBP: "Sir you are white you may pass"
He didn't really side step to let me through so I jumped on the opportunity...
Me: "Impersonating a Federal agent is a felony, so get the fuck out of my way or I will have you arrested!"
He moved very quickly...oddly enough I never saw his face out in the crowd again
Third Pass, with bicycle:
CBP guy kinda had the look on his face like should I try and say my stupid line to him or just get out of his way.
Guess what he choose? Yes he Choose stand there. Yes he was gonna learn very quickly that this was the wrong choice.
Seeing that he wasn't gonna back down I closed the gap and sped up until the last second when the game of chicken, when I jumped off my bike and let it go crashing front wheel to his "Danger Area." In hindsight this was a stupid plan since I no have no easily accessible escape route, but putting the mission first I was gonna ride that airplane into the ground.
CBP #2 came flying over, arms failing trying to help CBP #1 who was now partially under my bike. I stood there trying to look like I didn't actually just do that on purpose, but CBP #1 knew better. He lost all professionalism as he and robin (CBP #2) took the third huge steps to yell at me face to face. This would be twice now that CBP #1 has made the wrong choice today. I let him yell and act all tough, to be honest I really couldn't remember what profanity he even yelled in my face I just remember him spitting a lot and making me more angry. Much like the true champion I am, my lack of all concern pissed him off even more and just brought him one step closer to me as he screamed at me. After standing there looking retarded for about a minute he stopped yelling, with this confused look on his face. He must have been thinking I was deaf or something since I wasn't even flinching when he yelled.
Me: "You must be a horrible CBP Agent if you didn't even see me coming at you in broad daylight, no wonder no Americans can find jobs because you suck serious ass at your job."
While saying this I side stepped Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb to pick up my bike and pretend to inspect it. They followed and kept yelling at me. I still wasn't listening. Throughout the inspection of my bike I had previously loosed a screw on the water bottle holder thing for this exact reason.
I turn look at CBP #1 and say: "This thing is loose (pointing to water bottle thing) now because you made me crash my bike, I'm going to charge you for that"
CBP #1 "I didn't break that you hit me."
How did I know he was going to say that? Because he was standing there in a fake CBP outfit and didn't hop up and say OMG I'm sorry are you OK? after I crashed it into him.
Instantly I reach for my back pocket and grab my knife. The special knife that it is, it will open up all 6.25 inches (not including serration) of blade when I yank it out of my pocket.
CBP #1 now realizes I am a lunatic and just pulled a weapon out of seemingly nowhere.
Me: "Oh really you didn't break it? Well if I can't fix it now, I will walk YOU over to Campus Police, you know the people with REAL guns, and explain to them how you broke my bike and make sure you pay to have it fixed."
Luckily it was a Philips screw that my knew could easily tighten, so I did.
At this point CBP #1 AND #2 are whiter then I am (very white). So I flip the knife closed, hook it back into my pocket and hop on my newly fixed bike.
As parting words I look over at them, they had taken a few steps back, and say the first thing that came to my head...
"Next time, get the fuck out of my way, OK?"
Probably put me into a whole new level of psychopath since I had a completely serious/ready to kill face, then I smiled when I said OK.
Either way there are a few morals to this story and things to be learned:
1.) It is a public campus, yes it is a great place to spread the word or whatever, but the campus need to dictate how people do this. Said fence should have never been put there.
2.) United States Code: 18912 Impersonating a Federal Agent...thats 3 years in a "Pound me in the Ass Prison"
3.) Some people have no head on their shoulders what-so-ever, people like this should not allowed to dress up like CBP Agents and do this.
3.) I am not a nice person and when you do stupid shit like the above mentioned, I will make sure you do not have a good day.
Here are some links to the Media Coverage about said fence:
Arizona Daily Star
U of A Campus Newspaper: The Daily Wildcat
Fox 11 Arizona
Most recently there have been some quite annoying displays of politics on campus (University of Arizona). Of the most recent things there is one that stands out the most to me:
Chain link "Mini" US-Mexico Border Fence
Get back on campus from spring break to find some 6 foot tall chain link fence that is topped with barbed wire. The fence stretches all the way down the mall and there are openings in two or three places where the paved bike path and sidewalks cross. At first this doesn't affect me since I think they are going to lay down new grass or something and I try not to walk on the grass anyway since THATS WHY THERE ARE SIDEWALKS (lets not get me started on that issue).
Monday at lunch time I am on campus doing my thing and notice that there are now little laminated pictures hanging on said fence and there is no new grass. Instantly sparked by curiosity I stroll over to the fence and take a gander at the pictures. My heart sinks when I find out we are now getting new lush green grass, but the fence is there to show how hard it is for Mexicans to get into the US. Now not only am I pissed but also depressed I have to stare at dead grass for another 6 weeks of school. FML.
All along the fence there are pictures and whatnot of "sad" images of people holding hands through the fence and other bullshit like that (yes i'm a cold cold person). Honestly at this point it still has no affect on me, other then having to listen to everyone else bitch and moan about not being able to walk on the grass.
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Students from the group that made the fence...Note: he looks like a fagget. |
THE problem here is not that I care about the fence and other peoples problems. Lets be honest, There is a border fence there for a reason...to keep Mexicans out. But when I have to see it everyday I start to build the anger inside and that never ends well.
The school is a public place. The school should not have these type of "Protests" that are clearly taking a stance on the issue. The school should be completely removed from any type of opinion with this sort of thing.
Well apparently I wasn't the only one offended. The longer the fence was up, the more vandalism was done. It got to the point where the Fence Company started taking down sections early since people would go out at night and cut holes in the fence so that other students could get through during the day. The funniest thing I saw in the whole occurance was a fake "crucified" body hanging on it. Now I have no idea what kind of statement that made but it was pretty funny to see the fence people get all pissy with it since apparently whoever put it up there made dam sure it was going to be hard to take down.
Best thing about the whole issue (yes this is were I get in a fight) is one day there were students dress up as Fake Customs and Border Patrol Agents. They were out harassing people, If you were white skinned they would let you through and if you were brown skinned they would yell at you to walk around. Thanks to my Polish Complex (ghost white) I was allowed through every time. But that was to easy. I'm Polish, at some point my ancestors had to fight someone to get into or great country.
To make this point I went through the gaps next to these "Border Patrol Agents" a few times:
First time walking through to head over towards the bike rack:
CBP (Customs and Border Patrol) "Sir you are white you may pass"
This being my first time I didn't get it so I put my head down and kept walking. Then I realized what they were doing and the ideas started lining up in my head.
Second Pass:
CBP: "Sir you are white you may pass"
He didn't really side step to let me through so I jumped on the opportunity...
Me: "Impersonating a Federal agent is a felony, so get the fuck out of my way or I will have you arrested!"
He moved very quickly...oddly enough I never saw his face out in the crowd again
Third Pass, with bicycle:
CBP guy kinda had the look on his face like should I try and say my stupid line to him or just get out of his way.
Guess what he choose? Yes he Choose stand there. Yes he was gonna learn very quickly that this was the wrong choice.
Seeing that he wasn't gonna back down I closed the gap and sped up until the last second when the game of chicken, when I jumped off my bike and let it go crashing front wheel to his "Danger Area." In hindsight this was a stupid plan since I no have no easily accessible escape route, but putting the mission first I was gonna ride that airplane into the ground.
CBP #2 came flying over, arms failing trying to help CBP #1 who was now partially under my bike. I stood there trying to look like I didn't actually just do that on purpose, but CBP #1 knew better. He lost all professionalism as he and robin (CBP #2) took the third huge steps to yell at me face to face. This would be twice now that CBP #1 has made the wrong choice today. I let him yell and act all tough, to be honest I really couldn't remember what profanity he even yelled in my face I just remember him spitting a lot and making me more angry. Much like the true champion I am, my lack of all concern pissed him off even more and just brought him one step closer to me as he screamed at me. After standing there looking retarded for about a minute he stopped yelling, with this confused look on his face. He must have been thinking I was deaf or something since I wasn't even flinching when he yelled.
Me: "You must be a horrible CBP Agent if you didn't even see me coming at you in broad daylight, no wonder no Americans can find jobs because you suck serious ass at your job."
While saying this I side stepped Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb to pick up my bike and pretend to inspect it. They followed and kept yelling at me. I still wasn't listening. Throughout the inspection of my bike I had previously loosed a screw on the water bottle holder thing for this exact reason.
I turn look at CBP #1 and say: "This thing is loose (pointing to water bottle thing) now because you made me crash my bike, I'm going to charge you for that"
CBP #1 "I didn't break that you hit me."
How did I know he was going to say that? Because he was standing there in a fake CBP outfit and didn't hop up and say OMG I'm sorry are you OK? after I crashed it into him.
Instantly I reach for my back pocket and grab my knife. The special knife that it is, it will open up all 6.25 inches (not including serration) of blade when I yank it out of my pocket.
CBP #1 now realizes I am a lunatic and just pulled a weapon out of seemingly nowhere.
Me: "Oh really you didn't break it? Well if I can't fix it now, I will walk YOU over to Campus Police, you know the people with REAL guns, and explain to them how you broke my bike and make sure you pay to have it fixed."
Luckily it was a Philips screw that my knew could easily tighten, so I did.
At this point CBP #1 AND #2 are whiter then I am (very white). So I flip the knife closed, hook it back into my pocket and hop on my newly fixed bike.
As parting words I look over at them, they had taken a few steps back, and say the first thing that came to my head...
"Next time, get the fuck out of my way, OK?"
Probably put me into a whole new level of psychopath since I had a completely serious/ready to kill face, then I smiled when I said OK.
Either way there are a few morals to this story and things to be learned:
1.) It is a public campus, yes it is a great place to spread the word or whatever, but the campus need to dictate how people do this. Said fence should have never been put there.
2.) United States Code: 18912 Impersonating a Federal Agent...thats 3 years in a "Pound me in the Ass Prison"
3.) Some people have no head on their shoulders what-so-ever, people like this should not allowed to dress up like CBP Agents and do this.
3.) I am not a nice person and when you do stupid shit like the above mentioned, I will make sure you do not have a good day.
Here are some links to the Media Coverage about said fence:
Arizona Daily Star
U of A Campus Newspaper: The Daily Wildcat
Fox 11 Arizona
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Getting in Trouble for Helping the Innocent
Well it has been a while since I wrote one so here's to getting back into it.
Over the course of the past two weeks I have been busy dealing with school bullshit and in the course of dealing with said bullshit I have found myself in two situations where I think I deserve a reward and yet all I did is end up getting in more trouble.
Instance one:
As I was walking out of a building on campus I was crossing the street and like my parents taught me, I stopped on the curb and looked both ways before making the decision to safely traverse the street. maybe 800 feet away our school shuttle (the CatTran) is turning onto the street. Like most bus drivers they have a schedule and she was obviously trying to stay on it as I could hear the engine powering the bus at 40mph+ around the corner.
Clearly not safe to cross.
As class had just recently gotten out I was not alone waiting to cross the road. Maybe 7-10 other people standing in a small herd waiting for crazy bus to whiz past. Everyone had made the same decision as to cross the street or not (No thanks, I choose life). Everyone except the one black kid in the class. Headphones in his ears blaring music that hurt my ears, comes walking straight through the group and shoulder checks me as he takes his first step into the street. Being the good person that I am I grab the handle on the top of his backpack and yank his ass back towards the curb. Having had someone grab the handle on my bag while it was on both shoulders is kind of a startling experience. So as I us all my strength to yank him back he does one of those stutter steps backwards and trips on the curb and lands at my feet. right as the CatTran goes flying past he looks at it go past then promptly hops up to his feet and the conversation goes something like this:
"What the fuck honky!? Why you gotta do me like that? Do you fucking know who I am?"
In an attempt to not get my ass beat on the side of a street I respond: "I have no fucking clue who you are but next time I'll let that bus hit your ass."
Walking away I think of 100+ better comebacks but next time I will just watch him get run over by the bus since he obviously has no will to live to the other side of the street.
Second instance a few days later.
Sitting in the Student Union before some club meeting I had to go to I'm sitting at a four person table all by myself and next to me there was a younger looking Asian kid also sitting at a four person table by himself. Apparently March Madness is sort of a big deal or something but as we were sitting there (a trillion other open tables) a herd of black people show up, change the TV from the news channel to ESPN and then turn around and look for a place to sit.
I usually have a pretty mean look on my face and the second they turned around I locked eyes with the head black man, and I gave him the look of death for changing the channel but it didn't affect him at all. He and said herd surround the Asian kid and:
"Yo nigga he is just playing some stupid ass gook game"
I offered them to sit at my table but to no avail.
They continued messing with the Asian guy. In his defense I stood up:
"Hey, he said he will be done soon, sit at this table I am leaving. Stop fucking around with him and sit here"
"Hey, he said he will be done soon, sit at this table I am leaving. Stop fucking around with him and sit here"
Well they didn't have the same attitude I did and I was immediately confronted by the herd alpha male.
"Look you pussy ass bitch I want to sit at the gook's table, not your table"
I distracted them long enough not only for the Asian guy to get away but also caused enough of a scene for the Police to be called and escort me away from the black people.
All in all I am going to stop helping people since all it does is get me in trouble.
Lessons learned:
Black people hate white people who saves their lives.
People don't appreciate what I do
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Some Peoples Kids
In many of my past blog topics I have had common run-ins with children who clearly don't give a F*&k about their safety or their surroundings.
Today, in the episode of shopping for birthday gifts for my father, I was aimlessly wandering around Best Buy gawking at things I want but can't afford.
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Me Gawking at things I can't afford |
Illustrations all done by yours truly.
So as I am walking around the store shopping more for me then my dad. I stumble into the Video Game section. Now with game already in hand I am side stepping people playing the demo games in the aisles. Reading the game box fairly intensely I look up and clear myself for the tactical movement to the next section and coming around the corner I feel something is not right as I go face first into the floor, things in my hands go crashing everywhere and now I am the center of attention in the entire store.
Apparently there was a little fat child sitting on the floor in the middle of the walking path playing the Wii (and everyone hates the Wii). He must have felt it necessary to plop his fat ass down there while mommy and daddy go shop. Now that I no long have any items in my hands and i'm tangled up in Wii controller cords I look at him and he has the nerve to tell the adult that he just closed lined "You made me die dumbass!!!"
Knowing that mommy and daddy must be around somewhere and now are probably rolling toward me to protect their offspring, that I have now personally harmed by messing up his video game. I quickly untangle myself and gather my items from the floor and move on without saying a word.
Moments later I make a loop and circle back for round two.
Yup he is still intensely involved by Donkey Kong Wii. Go figure. I move on and continue my shopping.
After I check out (in case you read this...Sorry dad I didn't get you anything at Best Buy) I swing back around for pass number three. Said child's parents are there and from a quick ninja maneuver behind the parents out of the boys sight I hear "Did that mean man hurt you? Did he mess up your game?" After hearing that I quickly dive into the next aisle and B-Line for the exit thinking that these crazy people are going to call Best Buy Secret Police on my or something.
Once outside I just can't help but thinking. What is this world coming to when you let your kid play video games and trip people, then immediately think that the person being tripped is at fault because he made your son loose his video game.
Either way, It is gonna be a funny story to tell at the next social gathering I attend.
Some Peoples Kids...
Friday, February 18, 2011
Pedestrians Verse Paige the Mustang
In two occurrences today I was faced with the option of killing people with my car like pins in a bowling alley. Both around campus, so go figure that college students are retarded. Yet in both cases their were parents directly involved.
Case one:
Sitting at the Red Light on the corner of Mountain and Speedway. I am going east bound on Speedway and the light is red. When the East/West light is red, the North/South light is green. This allows people to walk across the street with the flow of traffic.
This intersection is incredibly dangerous. There are at least two accidents a month. One of those two is fatal. In the most recent a girl was pinned up against one of the buildings on the corner. First responders attempted to back the car off of her but that only pulled her legs farther away from the rest of the body. Ultimately she died in the hospital a day later. Most all accidents at this intersection have similar gruesome stories. Earlier that same day there was a different person hit and was also put in the hospital.
With the high mortality rate at this intersection established we move back to my story.
So sitting at the light you can see the cross traffic light change colors. When it changes to yellow I direct attention back towards where I want to go. As the light turns yellow I see two dumbass kids start running across the intersection. Light is switches to green and no one moves because everyone realizes the problem with this scene. Said children, who are clearly mentally retarded, stop at the island in the middle of the road. (3 lanes East/3 lanes West with a cement island thing in the middle that people can stand on if they don't make it all the way across) I am in the middle lane and take off pacing the Ford Explorer who is in the lane closest to the median. Slowly we make our way across the intersection and right as we get half way through these to kids sprint out into the road. The first kid didn't do so hot at real life frogger. Bouncing off the front end of the Explorer (which was MAYBE going about 10mph) he fell flat on his ass. Second child (girl) split between the Explorer and I is a foot gap and she was lucky enough to split it perfectly. After we all stop and realize that everyone is ok I get back in my car and take off. I personally didn't hit anyone and therefore I personally do not care. Life's tuff kid. You just learned it earlier, way to be smarter then the rest of your class.
Case Number Two (2):
Background information is required as always.
Students around campus think think they are king shit "Lion O, Lord of the ThunderCats, Ruler over Third Earth and all that it contains" "Red Ranger, Leader of the Time Force Power Rangers, saver of common citizens in danger of massive villains"
A Common Mind Set:
I will cross this highway without looking while drinking a coffee and texting with my headphones in.
"Don't worry bro, all these cars going 45 will slam on their brakes and instantly stop, on a dime, to allow your super special magical ass to prance across the road.
This is all the while NEVER IN A DAM CROSSWALK!!!
Driving down the street I see 3 people, 2 old ladies and one kid, caring a bunch of dorm stuff. Walking towards the road from the the parking lot. I have the right of way since there is no cross walk. I surprisingly stop depressing the gas petal to the floor to actually give them the chance to make the first move and walk across the road. All of them decide to stop and stare at me. I proceed to continue to close the distance between me and them. at the 15 foot mark the student of the bunch thinks now is a perfect time to walk across the street. going all of 7mph (it is on campus, and again surprisingly I'm not showing off) this kid and I meet in the middle of the road. He is stepping across the double yellow line as I drive past within 6 inches of him. Sorry your mommy and grand mommy didn't teach you shit as a kid. As the thought crosses my mind that his skinny ass could actually hurt my car I get mildly concerned. He doesn't even stop or jump back. he just keeps walking only now he is yelling in some foreign language that I do not understand. I'm not very cultured but maybe in his country this is a common practice.
Mommy throws a huge fit that I also do not care about as I drive way. I pull around into the dorm to pick up my friend and place the phone call that informs them that their BLACK STALLION DRIVEN CHARIOT HAS ARRIVED (My car)!
While waiting for them to come out I happily reach over and start to devour some delicious McDonalds Dollar Menu items. Halfway through my second wrap thingy this old ass lady carrying a ton of shit walks up to my window and says (In a very Western Europe accent) "You need to learn how to drive!" With a mouth full of food and my mind in McDonalds Food heaven it took a second to process. In this half second process I must not have coughed up whatever response she expected so she kept yelling shit. In my mind I'm think "You have no idea who you are talking to." Most of the time I am convinced I have a serious anger management problem. It took less then a millisecond for me to flip from having an awesome day to channeling all of the worlds hatred into this lady. By the time I have sallowed my food Lady number two shows up.
First words out of my mouth "Maybe you need to learn how to use a crosswalk, becuase thats what they are..." I am RUDELY interrupted by the Mom "We are reporting you to the Police, you hit my son."
Case one:
Sitting at the Red Light on the corner of Mountain and Speedway. I am going east bound on Speedway and the light is red. When the East/West light is red, the North/South light is green. This allows people to walk across the street with the flow of traffic.
This intersection is incredibly dangerous. There are at least two accidents a month. One of those two is fatal. In the most recent a girl was pinned up against one of the buildings on the corner. First responders attempted to back the car off of her but that only pulled her legs farther away from the rest of the body. Ultimately she died in the hospital a day later. Most all accidents at this intersection have similar gruesome stories. Earlier that same day there was a different person hit and was also put in the hospital.
With the high mortality rate at this intersection established we move back to my story.
So sitting at the light you can see the cross traffic light change colors. When it changes to yellow I direct attention back towards where I want to go. As the light turns yellow I see two dumbass kids start running across the intersection. Light is switches to green and no one moves because everyone realizes the problem with this scene. Said children, who are clearly mentally retarded, stop at the island in the middle of the road. (3 lanes East/3 lanes West with a cement island thing in the middle that people can stand on if they don't make it all the way across) I am in the middle lane and take off pacing the Ford Explorer who is in the lane closest to the median. Slowly we make our way across the intersection and right as we get half way through these to kids sprint out into the road. The first kid didn't do so hot at real life frogger. Bouncing off the front end of the Explorer (which was MAYBE going about 10mph) he fell flat on his ass. Second child (girl) split between the Explorer and I is a foot gap and she was lucky enough to split it perfectly. After we all stop and realize that everyone is ok I get back in my car and take off. I personally didn't hit anyone and therefore I personally do not care. Life's tuff kid. You just learned it earlier, way to be smarter then the rest of your class.
Case Number Two (2):
Background information is required as always.
Students around campus think think they are king shit "Lion O, Lord of the ThunderCats, Ruler over Third Earth and all that it contains" "Red Ranger, Leader of the Time Force Power Rangers, saver of common citizens in danger of massive villains"
A Common Mind Set:
I will cross this highway without looking while drinking a coffee and texting with my headphones in.
"Don't worry bro, all these cars going 45 will slam on their brakes and instantly stop, on a dime, to allow your super special magical ass to prance across the road.
This is all the while NEVER IN A DAM CROSSWALK!!!
Driving down the street I see 3 people, 2 old ladies and one kid, caring a bunch of dorm stuff. Walking towards the road from the the parking lot. I have the right of way since there is no cross walk. I surprisingly stop depressing the gas petal to the floor to actually give them the chance to make the first move and walk across the road. All of them decide to stop and stare at me. I proceed to continue to close the distance between me and them. at the 15 foot mark the student of the bunch thinks now is a perfect time to walk across the street. going all of 7mph (it is on campus, and again surprisingly I'm not showing off) this kid and I meet in the middle of the road. He is stepping across the double yellow line as I drive past within 6 inches of him. Sorry your mommy and grand mommy didn't teach you shit as a kid. As the thought crosses my mind that his skinny ass could actually hurt my car I get mildly concerned. He doesn't even stop or jump back. he just keeps walking only now he is yelling in some foreign language that I do not understand. I'm not very cultured but maybe in his country this is a common practice.
Mommy throws a huge fit that I also do not care about as I drive way. I pull around into the dorm to pick up my friend and place the phone call that informs them that their BLACK STALLION DRIVEN CHARIOT HAS ARRIVED (My car)!
While waiting for them to come out I happily reach over and start to devour some delicious McDonalds Dollar Menu items. Halfway through my second wrap thingy this old ass lady carrying a ton of shit walks up to my window and says (In a very Western Europe accent) "You need to learn how to drive!" With a mouth full of food and my mind in McDonalds Food heaven it took a second to process. In this half second process I must not have coughed up whatever response she expected so she kept yelling shit. In my mind I'm think "You have no idea who you are talking to." Most of the time I am convinced I have a serious anger management problem. It took less then a millisecond for me to flip from having an awesome day to channeling all of the worlds hatred into this lady. By the time I have sallowed my food Lady number two shows up.
First words out of my mouth "Maybe you need to learn how to use a crosswalk, becuase thats what they are..." I am RUDELY interrupted by the Mom "We are reporting you to the Police, you hit my son."
That was news to me. Since I was the driver of the vehicle I know I didn't hit your idiot kid. From here my attitude towards these people plummets.
My turn to start the interrupting.
"Maybe if your son looked at me and decided that he WAS NOT bigger then my 2000 pound car, he wouldn't have walked into the middle of a street"
Now that I have put the Honor and Integrity of their family name on the line, It was on like Donkey Kong.
Mom starts out by saying "We are reporting you to the authorities." Charging head first into a battle which I have no fear of loosing: "oh yea well take down my licence plate and call the F$%*'in Cops. I'll even give you my dam phone so you can call them. Then I will take my phone back and call them back and inform them that under Arizona Regulatory Statute 12-1809 I consider your contact with me harassment. That means both of you can get carried off to jail RIGHT NOW. (this next part I was screaming at the top of my lungs) and while I'm on the phone with them I will inform them I am issuing a citizens arrest for J-Walking."
This seemed to move some brain cells in Grand Mom. "We are going to right down your information." Lunatic lady started to move to the back of my car out of sight from the drivers seat waving the pen and the bag of chips in her hand. I would assume that the bag of chips would be were the information about my car would be written.
Realizing that we could have a serious Forrce Protection issue on my hands, Two threats surrounding me, I throw the door open. By the Grace of God I missed the mom. This was the second were both of these ladies realized that I am a crazy mutha&*^! and I am no longer playing nice.
The second I hopped out both of them took off running towards their son who was sitting on top of the case of water he had been carrying. That was just comical. He clearly didn't give a shit if I hit him or not.
Grand Mom brought the heat with the next sentence. "You F*^#ing Americans are worthless and do not know how to do anything respectfully"
I summoned the heat of one thousands suns into my body and projected my voice as best as possible. "How about you just go home, oh and here is my license plate (pointing at it). I'm not sure were you put it on your cars in your country but in AMERICA we keep it right here." As I danced around the back of my car like the freaking lunatic I was.
By now I had quite created quite the scene. Both my friends were crying laughing so hard. I reach back into my car and snatch the rest of my wrap thing and take a huge bite and continue to yell obscenities at the retreating group with a mouth full of food.
After they had went around the corner out of sight, with still a group of people staring at me, I whip my phone out and on speaker, call the non emergency police number and tell the person on the other end that I would like to report a citizen who is J-walking across a busy intersection and I am concerned for the drivers on the road. The kicker: Operator says "Well if they aren't in a crosswalk, just call us back when they get killed by a car, they have no right of way. Hear from you soon. Have a good day!"
Of the few people left watching this adventure unfold, most of them start laughing at what the 911 operator said and walk away. I promptly sit down and finish my wrap.
Paige the Mustang 2. Pedestrians 0.
Good day. And it was all before 2pm. Def could only get better from that point!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Know Your Meme
Of the funniest things on the internet, the common Internet Meme is quite hilarious. There are many varieties of these Meme's out there and when looking for a good laugh these are the things to look at.
There are hundreds upon hundred out there but the funniest in my opinion are
Foul Bachelor Frog
Socially Awkward Penguin
Sexually Oblivious Rhino
Philasoraptor
The whole reason these are so funny is because they give common phrases to the things we do in life. Most people do not think about how incredibly stupid the things they do in a day really are. If you browse the internet for a short period of time you most likely have come across some of these.
For example I do this in my daily life
There are hundreds upon hundred out there but the funniest in my opinion are
Foul Bachelor Frog
Socially Awkward Penguin
Sexually Oblivious Rhino
Philasoraptor
The whole reason these are so funny is because they give common phrases to the things we do in life. Most people do not think about how incredibly stupid the things they do in a day really are. If you browse the internet for a short period of time you most likely have come across some of these.
For example I do this in my daily life
It is funny because you never think about it, but you do it everyday. Wake up and starting throwing shit from the desk onto the bed. You leave it there all day and then the next night you put it back on the desk so you know where it is.
Fuck Yeah Insanity Wolf is funny but also very therefore I can only upload this one:
Sexually Oblivious Rhino:
Who hasn't had one of these nights?
Socially awkward penguin just exemplifies the awkward situations in daily life:
There are multiple websites online were you can go and create your own Meme with your own socially awkward moments in daily life
In the end looking at hundreds of pages of these Meme's is the perfect way to waste time in your day and feel more retarded and dumb then ever before.
Monday, February 14, 2011
The Unfortunate Integration and Merger of Technology
As most of society is googlely-eyed and awestruck by the advances in technology, there are a few people out there who were perfectly content with the current standard.
As a standard, the technology industry re invents something every 3 months. This being said it is widely understood that you by a computer and by the time you get it home out of the box it is already out of date. The side that most people do not see as an advancement in is the developer side of the technology. This is the little things that happen in the changing of 2 lines of code to make something run more efficiently.
I came across a quite infuriating problem over the weekend with a web based company that I am a very loyal customer and supporter of.
They even came up with a clever name. "Catmail" University of Arizona Wildcats and Gmail put together. Now I could get both my Gmail and Catmail on my phone, it was much user friendly and basically all around made the entire student body happy. Having two tabs open so I could multi task the emails was a very very nice way to keep life organized and keep work and personal life separated.
As a standard, the technology industry re invents something every 3 months. This being said it is widely understood that you by a computer and by the time you get it home out of the box it is already out of date. The side that most people do not see as an advancement in is the developer side of the technology. This is the little things that happen in the changing of 2 lines of code to make something run more efficiently.
I came across a quite infuriating problem over the weekend with a web based company that I am a very loyal customer and supporter of.
Many months ago my University decided that it would like to move all student email accounts over to a Gmail (Google Mail) based system. Being a loyal supporter I was freaking ecstatic at the opportunity that my email can now be moved out of the University's fossilized computer technology.
I was basically a kid in a online candy store:
![]() |
Me when I saw that the migration happened |
Over the weekend the some developer changed around 4 lines of HTML Code and now I cry at night. The exact lines of ode that were changed I could not tell you, but you can now no longer log onto both emails simultaneously. Gmail will realize that you are "cheating their system" and make you log out of one to log into the other.
Many people do not see a problem with this. well when everything is tied to a certain Gmail account, such as Youtube, Blogger, Google Labs, Stumble, Facebook, Autofill...it makes it extremely painful to work on School email in one tab and do absolutely nothing else in the other tabs. My frustration meter was almost instantly pegged.
Needless to say of the possible fixes none of them are conducive to a productive work environment. There were many new Facebook Status posts about the lack of care the the developers at Google expressed for their loyal following.
Back to using a computer to do one thing at a time...Because Multi tasking is clearly for not anyone who has two or more Google accounts.
Labels:
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Saturday, February 12, 2011
First U of A Shotgun Club Shoot
IInteresting to say the least.
From the beginning lets start with I am not a very sociable person when there is work to be done. Also I am inherently very angry. Ya give me a shotgun!
I showed up at about 1110. "If your early, your on time. If your right on time, your late. If your late, your dead." Semper Fi! Having absolutely no idea what any of my fellow club mates looked like I stared at the Guns for Sale adds and ultimately ending up sitting down in the Club Cafeteria. Time check 1130. Right now the helicopter has already left and everyone is left behind enemy lines (dead)...Except me.
Around 1150 people start to filter in and looking under the age of 80 so I assume they would be people from the club. I go over to the gaggle of them and start making friends. Every one is official enough to have wood stocked Bretta's and such. Glad I kept my guns in the shooting bag. More gaggle and mindless talk about things I have no interest in. around 1245, which is 1 hour and 15 min after I was promised to be blowing stuff up, we get in line to get our range cards and what not. Of course no one at the counter knows what they are doing so another 20 minutes later I have range card and accompanying ammo and guns in hand wandering around looking for friends I made earlier to blow get to the reason I'm here.
Not that I make little nests or anything but when I have a range bag with two guns, more barrels then guns, ammo and what not it's hard to not take up space. Unloading all weapons and ammo onto the "On Deck Shooting" I am ready with two of my newest friends (who have never held a gun before) to get to shooting. Standing there with said friends a man appears and asks if we are ready to shoot. We of course think he is a coach and agree that we are ready and proceed to follow him to the 1st station of the skeet range. Negative ghost rider, we have are suppose to be shooting trap. After informing the gentlemen of this he has what could be related to the adult version of a hissy fit. I believe it went something like this:
"You fucking kids don't know shit"
"Go talk to the front office we are supposed to be shooting here"
Mumbling and walking to the front office he appears to realize I am aware of what is going on.
He walks back: "Well thank you for conning me into waste a whole round of skeet"
"Why don't you just ask them to give you another round and say you messed up"
"I never messed up they just dunno what to do with you damn hooligans"
To my new friends, thanks for doing the ostrich thing and sticking your head in the Trap house and acting like you don't know me.
Packing up my stuff to go find new friends I walk down the range to the very and and see other people I had previously be friended and unpack there and we have a grand time shooting.
Round one over, more talking ensues. Damit. Blah blah blah no one cares can we go shoot.
Fast forward to round 2 (two). Semi attractive girl says something un-intelligible to me since I am wildly throwing ammo in all pockets on my person since I have no snazzy vest. we all walk out there and her Mom is standing right next to her. Again, no one cares, just let me blow shit up. go through first 2 stations with a 100% hit ratio. people are mumbling down the range as my new best friend and I make jokes at each other about how incredibly awesome we are. NEXT THING I KNOW I hear the moms voice "PU...BAM" And then the wind is knocked out of me and I'm coughing more now then before since I was already sick. At first thought I was under the impression I got shot. Then I quickly process that no one is that stupid to shot me and it would probably hurt alot more. I look over at me new best friend whom is now freaking out about something. Situational awareness not so high. I look down and on the ground are alot of little shot pellets laying all around me and new best friend. Everyone else is going bat shit crazy as they run over to us. Apparently someone had never fired a gun before (the Mom) and shot the little brick structure that shoots the clay pigeons out. Paint and the big sign that identifies the brick structure is all gone. Yes it will fly back at the opposing angle that you shot it at and that just happened to be where my friend and I were standing.
After affirming my well being to everyone we continue shooting. Minus the mother of course.
After said round we talk to mom and informed her that you must not get to excited and shoot people. She is EXTREMELY receptive to the information.
Next round we try this shin-dig again. The mom switches off and this time, said friend and I are very far away. Her daughter helps her put the shell in the gun and then smartly basically sprinted away. Many things in life, when your life is in very immediate danger you see them in slow motion. Well I see her finger near the trigger and then I see the other hand go for the action to lock and load the weapon. I turn away (the thought of diving crossed my mind but I had my dads shotgun in my paws and (Love you dad) decided that the well being of his gun was more important then my own) The breech could bee seen closing and then I lost sight as I spun around and cover my dads gun (much love STILL). open my eyes after the BOOM to the huge cloud of concrete/cement dust and a gun just laying on the ground. Honestly part of my mind was like if you just blew both your feet off, you learn a very valuable lesson in the operation of a shotgun. Luckily for all parties involved she was still upright and once again going bat shit crazy.
Shotgun promptly taken away and given to younger girl and resume shooting. Much less eventful.
After round is over more talking. Damn times 2. After I somewhat tune in I hear people talking about the Olympian Trap Double, God Among Men, Birds Destroyer, Special range at the very end. I offer my two cents that I would shoot another round with some of these incredibly dangerous people.
Break this down. 5 stations with a bird shooter at each station. You shoot once move down. So of the five clay pigeon shooters it can shoot the clay pigeon in 3 different directions, Left Center, Right and it will shoot them either Low, Normal, or extremely High. It shoots the pigeon out 4 times faster and twice as far. which in my mind is 3 directions times 3 heights times 4 times faster times 2 times as far so that makes this 72 times more challenging then Trap. Challenge Accepted.
You get two shots per clay pigeon so in reality it is only 36 times as hard, but that is a technicality.
Everyone has either Over-under or Semi-Auto Shotguns. Mr. Brian "Badass" Popelas has his pump action. Many people told me I would not hit anything let alone be fast enough to get a second shot off with the pump action. Challenge Accepted.
Once standing on the range, I must say those little bastards move VERY fast. Well after many uneventful shots I scored a denigration hit on a bird right out of the house.
What is Kill? Suck it Trebek.
Many more shots later I start using both rounds. I impressed my self at the speed I can pump the action and squeeze round two off. which means many of the "wanna be pros" were being instructed by yours truly to pick their jaw up off the ground. Get some.
Total hit 11 birds. How many I actually had a chance at I have no idea. although with not so great ear protection on a shotgun made to shoot people in very close quarters, My brain was very sloshy in my skull and I had a massive Migraine. But I proved my man hood to all present and one guy actually said he was sorry for doubting me...lets bask in that for a second...If only I would have been cool enough to pat him on the shoulder as I walked by and said, don't worry it's OK, I understand I have more talent then you.
After that I shook hands and played nice with everyone long enough to make me exit in night rider at close to 7000RPM's in first gear. Thats how I roll. Be Jealous.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Why is Technology Changing my Soda Machine?
Going for a late night snack in the Student Union yesterday I was shocked and appalled at the new form of soda dispensary station. This is in no way shape or form the standard, what I was used to my entire life, soda machine.
This is what the common person thinks of when they imagine enjoying a ice cold caffeinated beverage.
But instead there was this box thing, with only one port for one cup at a time. Touch Screen LCD where you got to select a variety of options.
Surprisingly this picture is widely disproportional. the thing is maybe 6 feet tall, foot and half wide at the face and possibly 3 feet deep. No hoses or water supply or anything, just one power cable running out the back.
At first I am taken back for a second. In 20 years of life I have never had to deal with such a futuristic machine for such a simple task!
Ok, so somewhere in the back of me head I am thinking I have to take pictures and send them to everyone I know. Throwing the cup at my girlfriend and trying to whip out my phone to take pictures like a madman, people start staring. She is now pretending that she has no idea who this lunatic guy is (me) and I'm snapping pictures and holding up the line.
After a short photoshoot I tell her to attempt to get a drink.
The ice thing is a common push bar type of thing where you push it with the cup and the ice falls down into your cup. future technology is going to be hard to get to because it shot out ice at an alarming rate. Full cup of ice is a big NO GO for soda so I have to dump some of it out (more angry people in line).
No that we have ice, I focus my attention on the LCD screen. Looking at options it has all the standard drink options, Root Beer, Coke, Dr. Pepper, Water, Juice yada yada yada. Paging through options I find the Coke Classic. Select it. More options. They have the plain Coke, but now you can also choose Coke Cherry, Coke Lime, Vanilla Coke, and some options I can't even remember (I was to flustered). I choose Vanilla Coke.
After selecting those options I push the big ass button that say SODA on it to fill the cup. Looks very delicious. Walk to the table and take a sip...Sad to report, it tastes funny. Not Vanilla Coke, but Coke with a flavor shot of Vanilla. Big difference for hard core coke drinking people like myself. Whatever food is on the way so I will deal with it's somewhat "Off" flavor.
Upon further consideration of my funny tasting drink I came to the conclusion that it is a soda machine with the syrup bags inside it, but if you choose a flavored soda it adds a few drops of Vanilla concentrate, in my case. This is a very very sad day.
Go home and avoid doing homework by looking it up online and it appears this is a great new scheme to make money by Coke. It is called the Coca-Cola Freestyle.
Either way it is conceptually a good idea. In my simple math I came to the idea that it has combinations to make over 100 different types of drinks.
I am sadly disappointed in you Coke.
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