Getting in Trouble for Helping the Innocent

Well it has been a while since I wrote one so here's to getting back into it.

Over the course of the past two weeks I have been busy dealing with school bullshit and in the course of dealing with said bullshit I have found myself in two situations where I think I deserve a reward and yet all I did is end up getting in more trouble.

Instance one:

As I was walking out of a building on campus I was crossing the street and like my parents taught me, I stopped on the curb and looked both ways before making the decision to safely traverse the street. maybe 800 feet away our school shuttle (the CatTran) is turning onto the street. Like most bus drivers they have a schedule and she was obviously trying to stay on it as I could hear the engine powering the bus at 40mph+ around the corner.

Clearly not safe to cross. 

As class had just recently gotten out I was not alone waiting to cross the road. Maybe 7-10 other people standing in a small herd waiting for crazy bus to whiz past. Everyone had made the same decision as to cross the street or not (No thanks, I choose life). Everyone except the one black kid in the class. Headphones in his ears blaring music that hurt my ears, comes walking straight through the group and shoulder checks me as he takes his first step into the street. Being the good person that I am I grab the handle on the top of his backpack and yank his ass back towards the curb. Having had someone grab the handle on my bag while it was on both shoulders is kind of a startling experience. So as I us all my strength to yank him back he does one of those stutter steps backwards and trips on the curb and lands at my feet. right as the CatTran goes flying past he looks at it go past then promptly hops up to his feet and the conversation goes something like this:

"What the fuck honky!? Why you gotta do me like that? Do you fucking know who I am?"

In an attempt to not get my ass beat on the side of a street I respond: "I have no fucking clue who you are but next time I'll let that bus hit your ass."

Walking away I think of 100+ better comebacks but next time I will just watch him get run over by the bus since he obviously has no will to live to the other side of the street.

Second instance a few days later.

Sitting in the Student Union before some club meeting I had to go to I'm sitting at a four person table all by myself and next to me there was a younger looking Asian kid also sitting at a four person table by himself. Apparently March Madness is sort of a big deal or something but as we were sitting there (a trillion other open tables) a herd of black people show up, change the TV from the news channel to ESPN and then turn around and look for a place to sit. 

I usually have a pretty mean look on my face and the second they turned around I locked eyes with the head black man, and I gave him the look of death for changing the channel but it didn't affect him at all. He and said herd surround the Asian kid and: 

"Yo nigga he is just playing some stupid ass gook game"

I offered them to sit at my table but to no avail. 

They continued messing with the Asian guy. In his defense I stood up:
"Hey, he said he will be done soon, sit at this table I am leaving. Stop fucking around with him and sit here"

Well they didn't have the same attitude I did and I was immediately confronted by the herd alpha male.

"Look you pussy ass bitch I want to sit at the gook's table, not your table"

I distracted them long enough not only for the Asian guy to get away but also caused enough of a scene for the Police to be called and escort me away from the black people.

All in all I am going to stop helping people since all it does is get me in trouble. 

Lessons learned:

Black people hate white people who saves their lives.

People don't appreciate what I do

Some Peoples Kids

In many of my past blog topics I have had common run-ins with children who clearly don't give a F*&k about their safety or their surroundings.

Today, in the episode of shopping for birthday gifts for my father, I was aimlessly wandering around Best Buy gawking at things I want but can't afford.

Me Gawking at things I can't afford

Illustrations all done by yours truly.

So as I am walking around the store shopping more for me then my dad. I stumble into the Video Game section. Now with game already in hand I am side stepping people playing the demo games in the aisles. Reading the game box fairly intensely I look up and clear  myself for the tactical movement to the next section and coming around the corner I feel something is not right as I go face first into the floor, things in my hands go crashing everywhere and now I am the center of attention in the entire store.

Apparently there was a little fat child sitting on the floor in the middle of the walking path playing the Wii (and everyone hates the Wii). He must have felt it necessary to plop his fat ass down there while mommy and daddy go shop. Now that I no long have any items in my hands and i'm tangled up in Wii controller cords I look at him and he has the nerve to tell the adult that he just closed lined "You made me die dumbass!!!" 

Knowing that mommy and daddy must be around somewhere and now are probably rolling toward me to protect their offspring, that I have now personally harmed by messing up his video game. I quickly untangle myself and gather my items from the floor and move on without saying a word.

Moments later I make a loop and circle back for round two.

Yup he is still intensely involved by Donkey Kong Wii. Go figure. I move on and continue my shopping.

After I check out (in case you read this...Sorry dad I didn't get you anything at Best Buy) I swing back around for pass number three. Said child's parents are there and from a quick ninja maneuver behind the parents out of the boys sight I hear "Did that mean man hurt you? Did he mess up your game?" After hearing that I quickly dive into the next aisle and B-Line for the exit thinking that these crazy people are going to call Best Buy Secret Police on my or something.

Once outside I just can't help but thinking. What is this world coming to when you let your kid play video games and trip people, then immediately think that the person being tripped is at fault because he made your son loose his video game.

Either way, It is gonna be a funny story to tell at the next social gathering I attend.

Some Peoples Kids...

Pedestrians Verse Paige the Mustang

In two occurrences today I was faced with the option of killing people with my car like pins in a bowling alley. Both around campus, so go figure that college students are retarded. Yet in both cases their were parents directly involved.

Case one:
Sitting at the Red Light on the corner of Mountain and Speedway. I am going east bound on Speedway and the light is red. When the East/West light is red, the North/South light is green. This allows people to walk across the street with the flow of traffic.

This intersection is incredibly dangerous. There are at least two accidents a month. One of those two is fatal. In the most recent a girl was pinned up against one of the buildings on the corner. First responders attempted to back the car off of her but that only pulled her legs farther away from the rest of the body. Ultimately she died in the hospital a day later. Most all accidents at this intersection have similar gruesome stories. Earlier that same day there was a different person hit and was also put in the hospital.

With the high mortality rate at this intersection established we move back to my story.

So sitting at the light you can see the cross traffic light change colors. When it changes to yellow I direct attention back towards where I want to go. As the light turns yellow I see two dumbass kids start running across the intersection. Light is switches to green and no one moves because everyone realizes the problem with this scene. Said children, who are clearly mentally retarded, stop at the island in the middle of the road. (3 lanes East/3 lanes West with a cement island thing in the middle that people can stand on if they don't make it all the way across) I am in the middle lane and take off pacing the Ford Explorer who is in the lane closest to the median. Slowly we make our way across the intersection and right as we get half way through these to kids sprint out into the road. The first kid didn't do so hot at real life frogger. Bouncing off the front end of the Explorer (which was MAYBE going about 10mph) he fell flat on his ass. Second child (girl) split between the Explorer and I is a foot gap and she was lucky enough to split it perfectly. After we all stop and realize that everyone is ok I get back in my car and take off. I personally didn't hit anyone and therefore I personally do not care. Life's tuff kid. You just learned it earlier, way to be smarter then the rest of your class.

Case Number Two (2):
Background information is required as always.
Students around campus think think they are king shit "Lion O, Lord of the ThunderCats, Ruler over Third Earth and all that it contains" "Red Ranger, Leader of the Time Force Power Rangers, saver of common citizens in danger of massive villains"

A Common Mind Set:
I will cross this highway without looking while drinking a coffee and texting with my headphones in.
"Don't worry bro, all these cars going 45 will slam on their brakes and instantly stop, on a dime, to allow your super special magical ass to prance across the road.

This is all the while NEVER IN A DAM CROSSWALK!!!

Driving down the street I see 3 people, 2 old ladies and one kid, caring a bunch of dorm stuff. Walking towards the road from the the parking lot. I have the right of way since there is no cross walk. I surprisingly stop depressing the gas petal to the floor to actually give them the chance to make the first move and walk across the road. All of them decide to stop and stare at me. I proceed to continue to close the distance between me and them. at the 15 foot mark the student of the bunch thinks now is a perfect time to walk across the street. going all of 7mph (it is on campus, and again surprisingly I'm not showing off) this kid and I meet in the middle of the road. He is stepping across the double yellow line as I drive past within 6 inches of him. Sorry your mommy and grand mommy didn't teach you shit as a kid. As the thought crosses my mind that his skinny ass could actually hurt my car I get mildly concerned. He doesn't even stop or jump back. he just keeps walking only now he is yelling in some foreign language that I do not understand. I'm not very cultured but maybe in his country this is a common practice.

Mommy throws a huge fit that I also do not care about as I drive way. I pull around into the dorm to pick up my friend and place the phone call that informs them that their BLACK STALLION DRIVEN CHARIOT HAS ARRIVED (My car)!

While waiting for them to come out I happily reach over and start to devour some delicious McDonalds Dollar Menu items. Halfway through my second wrap thingy this old ass lady carrying a ton of shit walks up to my window and says (In a very Western Europe accent) "You need to learn how to drive!" With a mouth full of food and my mind in McDonalds Food heaven it took a second to process. In this half second process I must not have coughed up whatever response she expected so she kept yelling shit. In my mind I'm think "You have no idea who you are talking to." Most of the time I am convinced I have a serious anger management problem. It took less then a millisecond for me to flip from having an awesome day to channeling all of the worlds hatred into this lady. By the time I have sallowed my food Lady number two shows up.

First words out of my mouth "Maybe you need to learn how to use a crosswalk, becuase thats what they are..." I am RUDELY interrupted by the Mom "We are reporting you to the Police, you hit my son."

That was news to me. Since I was the driver of the vehicle I know I didn't hit your idiot kid. From here my attitude towards these people plummets.

My turn to start the interrupting.

"Maybe if your son looked at me and decided that he WAS NOT bigger then my 2000 pound car, he wouldn't have walked into the middle of a street"

Now that I have put the Honor and Integrity of their family name on the line, It was on like Donkey Kong.

Mom starts out by saying "We are reporting you to the authorities." Charging head first into a battle which I have no fear of loosing: "oh yea well take down my licence plate and call the F$%*'in Cops. I'll even give you my dam phone so you can call them. Then I will take my phone back and call them back and inform them that under Arizona Regulatory Statute 12-1809 I consider your contact with me harassment. That means both of you can get carried off to jail RIGHT NOW. (this next part I was screaming at the top of my lungs) and while I'm on the phone with them I will inform them I am issuing a citizens arrest for J-Walking."

This seemed to move some brain cells in Grand Mom. "We are going to right down your information." Lunatic lady started to move to the back of my car out of sight from the drivers seat waving the pen and the bag of chips in her hand. I would assume that the bag of chips would be were the information about my car would be written.

Realizing that we could have a serious Forrce Protection issue on my hands, Two threats surrounding me, I throw the door open. By the Grace of God I missed the mom. This was the second were both of these ladies realized that I am a crazy mutha&*^! and I am no longer playing nice.

The second I hopped out both of them took off running towards their son who was sitting on top of the case of  water he had been carrying. That was just comical. He clearly didn't give a shit if I hit him or not.

Grand Mom brought the heat with the next sentence. "You F*^#ing Americans are worthless and do not know how to do anything respectfully"

I summoned the heat of one thousands suns into my body and projected my voice as best as possible. "How about you just go home, oh and here is my license plate (pointing at it). I'm not sure were you put it on your cars in your country but in AMERICA we keep it right here." As I danced around the back of my car like the freaking lunatic I was.

By now I had quite created quite the scene. Both my friends were crying laughing so hard. I reach back into my car and snatch the rest of my wrap thing and take a huge bite and continue to yell obscenities at the retreating group with a mouth full of food.

After they had went around the corner out of sight, with still a group of people staring at me, I whip my phone out and on speaker, call the non emergency police number and tell the person on the other end that I would like to report a citizen who is J-walking across a busy intersection and I am concerned for the drivers on the road. The kicker: Operator says "Well if they aren't in a crosswalk, just call us back when they get killed by a car, they have no right of way. Hear from you soon. Have a good day!"

Of the few people left watching this adventure unfold, most of them start laughing at what the 911 operator said and walk away. I promptly sit down and finish my wrap.

Paige the Mustang 2. Pedestrians 0.

Good day. And it was all before 2pm. Def could only get better from that point!

Know Your Meme

Of the funniest things on the internet, the common Internet Meme is quite hilarious. There are many varieties of these Meme's out there and when looking for a good laugh these are the things to look at.

There are hundreds upon hundred out there but the funniest in my opinion are
Foul Bachelor Frog
Socially Awkward Penguin
Sexually Oblivious Rhino
Philasoraptor

The whole reason these are so funny is because they give common phrases to the things we do in life. Most people do not think about how incredibly stupid the things they do in a day really are. If you browse the internet for a short period of time you most likely have come across some of these.

For example I do this in my daily life

It is funny because you never think about it, but you do it everyday. Wake up and starting throwing shit from the desk onto the bed. You leave it there all day and then the next night you put it back on the desk so you know where it is.

Fuck Yeah Insanity Wolf is funny but also very therefore I can only upload this one:

Sexually Oblivious Rhino:

Who hasn't had one of these nights?

Socially awkward penguin just exemplifies the awkward situations in daily life:

There are multiple websites online were you can go and create your own Meme with your own socially awkward moments in daily life

In the end looking at hundreds of pages of these Meme's is the perfect way to waste time in your day and feel more retarded and dumb then ever before.

The Unfortunate Integration and Merger of Technology

As most of society is googlely-eyed and awestruck by the advances in technology, there are a few people out there who were perfectly content with the current standard.

As a standard, the technology industry re invents something every 3 months. This being said it is widely understood that you by a computer and by the time you get it home out of the box it is already out of date. The side that most people do not see as an advancement in is the developer side of the technology. This is the little things that happen in the changing of 2 lines of code to make something run more efficiently.

I came across a quite infuriating problem over the weekend with a web based company that I am a very loyal customer and supporter of.

Many months ago my University decided that it would like to move all student email accounts over to a Gmail (Google Mail) based system. Being a loyal supporter I was freaking ecstatic at the opportunity that my email can now be moved out of the University's fossilized computer technology. 

I was basically a kid in a online candy store:

Me when I saw that the migration happened

They even came up with a clever name. "Catmail" University of Arizona Wildcats and Gmail put together. Now I could get both my Gmail and Catmail on my phone, it was much user friendly and basically all around made the entire student body happy. Having two tabs open so I could multi task the emails was a very very nice way to keep life organized and keep work and personal life separated.

Over the weekend the some developer changed around 4 lines of HTML Code and now I cry at night. The exact lines of ode that were changed I could not tell you, but you can now no longer log onto both emails simultaneously. Gmail will realize that you are "cheating their system" and make you log out of one to log into the other. 

Many people do not see a problem with this. well when everything is tied to a certain Gmail account, such as Youtube, Blogger, Google Labs, Stumble, Facebook, Autofill...it makes it extremely painful to work on School email in one tab and do absolutely nothing else in the other tabs. My frustration meter was almost instantly pegged.

Needless to say of the possible fixes none of them are conducive to a productive work environment. There were many new Facebook Status posts about the lack of care the the developers at Google expressed for their loyal following.

Back to using a computer to do one thing at a time...Because Multi tasking is clearly for not anyone who has two or more Google accounts.

First U of A Shotgun Club Shoot

IInteresting to say the least.

From the beginning lets start with I am not a very sociable person when there is work to be done. Also I am inherently very angry. Ya give me a shotgun! 

I showed up at about 1110. "If your early, your on time. If your right on time, your late. If your late, your dead." Semper Fi! Having absolutely no idea what any of my fellow club mates looked like I stared at the Guns for Sale adds and ultimately ending up sitting down in the Club Cafeteria. Time check 1130. Right now the helicopter has already left and everyone is left behind enemy lines (dead)...Except me.

Around 1150 people start to filter in and looking under the age of 80 so I assume they would be people from the club. I go over to the gaggle of them and start making friends. Every one is official enough to have wood stocked Bretta's and such. Glad I kept my guns in the shooting bag. More gaggle and mindless talk about things I have no interest in. around 1245, which is 1 hour and 15 min after I was promised to be blowing stuff up, we get in line to get our range cards and what not. Of course no one at the counter knows what they are doing so another 20 minutes later I have range card and accompanying ammo and guns in hand wandering around looking for friends I made earlier to blow get to the reason I'm here. 

Not that I make little nests or anything but when I have a range bag with two guns, more barrels then guns, ammo and what not it's hard to not take up space. Unloading all weapons and ammo onto the "On Deck Shooting" I am ready with two of my newest friends (who have never held a gun before) to get to shooting. Standing there with said friends a man appears and asks if we are ready to shoot. We of course think he is a coach and agree that we are ready and proceed to follow him to the 1st station of the skeet range. Negative ghost rider, we have are suppose to be shooting trap. After informing the gentlemen of this he has what could be related to the adult version of a hissy fit. I believe it went something like this:

"You fucking kids don't know shit"

"Go talk to the front office we are supposed to be shooting here"

Mumbling and walking to the front office he appears to realize I am aware of what is going on.

He walks back: "Well thank you for conning me into waste a whole round of skeet"

"Why don't you just ask them to give you another round and say you messed up"

"I never messed up they just dunno what to do with you damn hooligans"

To my new friends, thanks for doing the ostrich thing and sticking your head in the Trap house and acting like you don't know me.

Packing up my stuff to go find new friends I walk down the range to the very and and see other people I had previously be friended and unpack there and we have a grand time shooting.

Round one over, more talking ensues. Damit. Blah blah blah no one cares can we go shoot.

Fast forward to round 2 (two). Semi attractive girl says something un-intelligible to me since I am wildly throwing ammo in all pockets on my person since I have no snazzy vest. we all walk out there and her Mom is standing right next to her. Again, no one cares, just let me blow shit up. go through first 2 stations with a 100% hit ratio. people are mumbling down the range as my new best friend and I make jokes at each other about how incredibly awesome we are. NEXT THING I KNOW I hear the moms voice "PU...BAM" And then the wind is knocked out of me and I'm coughing more now then before since I was already sick. At first thought I was under the impression I got shot. Then I quickly process that no one is that stupid to shot me and it would probably hurt alot more. I look over at me new best friend whom is now freaking out about something. Situational awareness not so high. I look down and on the ground are alot of little shot pellets laying all around me and new best friend. Everyone else is going bat shit crazy as they run over to us. Apparently someone had never fired a gun before (the Mom) and shot the little brick structure that shoots the clay pigeons out. Paint and the big sign that identifies the brick structure is all gone. Yes it will fly back at the opposing angle that you shot it at and that just happened to be where my friend and I were standing. 

After affirming my well being to everyone we continue shooting. Minus the mother of course.

After said round we talk to mom and informed her that you must not get to excited and shoot people. She is EXTREMELY receptive to the information.

Next round we try this shin-dig again. The mom switches off and this time, said friend and I are very far away. Her daughter helps her put the shell in the gun and then smartly basically sprinted away. Many things in life, when your life is in very immediate danger you see them in slow motion. Well I see her finger near the trigger and then I see the other hand go for the action to lock and load the weapon. I turn away (the thought of diving crossed my mind but I had my dads shotgun in my paws and (Love you dad) decided that the well being of his gun was more important then my own) The breech could bee seen closing and then I lost sight as I spun around and cover my dads gun (much love STILL). open my eyes after the BOOM to the huge cloud of concrete/cement dust and a gun just laying on the ground. Honestly part of my mind was like if you just blew both your feet off, you learn a very valuable lesson in the operation of a shotgun. Luckily for all parties involved she was still upright and once again going bat shit crazy. 

Shotgun promptly taken away and given to younger girl and resume shooting. Much less eventful.

After round is over more talking. Damn times 2. After I somewhat tune in I hear people talking about the Olympian Trap Double, God Among Men, Birds Destroyer, Special range at the very end. I offer my two cents that I would shoot another round with some of these incredibly dangerous people.

Break this down. 5 stations with a bird shooter at each station. You shoot once move down. So of the five clay pigeon shooters it can shoot the clay pigeon in 3 different directions, Left Center, Right and it will shoot them either Low, Normal, or extremely High. It shoots the pigeon out 4 times faster and twice as far.  which in my mind is 3 directions times 3 heights times 4 times faster times 2 times as far so that makes this 72 times more challenging then Trap. Challenge Accepted.

You get two shots per clay pigeon so in reality it is only 36 times as hard, but that is a technicality.

Everyone has either Over-under or Semi-Auto Shotguns. Mr. Brian "Badass" Popelas has his pump action. Many people told me I would not hit anything let alone be fast enough to get a second shot off with the pump action. Challenge Accepted.

Once standing on the range, I must say those little bastards move VERY fast. Well after many uneventful shots I scored a denigration hit on a bird right out of the house. 

What is Kill? Suck it Trebek.

Many more shots later I start using both rounds. I impressed my self at the speed I can pump the action and squeeze round two off. which means many of the "wanna be pros" were being instructed by yours truly to pick their jaw up off the ground. Get some.

Total hit 11 birds. How many I actually had a chance at I have no idea. although with not so great ear protection on a shotgun made to shoot people in very close quarters, My brain was very sloshy in my skull and I had a massive Migraine. But I proved my man hood to all present and one guy actually said he was sorry for doubting me...lets bask in that for a second...If only I would have been cool enough to pat him on the shoulder as I walked by and said, don't worry it's OK, I understand I have more talent then you.

After that I shook hands and played nice with everyone long enough to make me exit in night rider at close to 7000RPM's in first gear. Thats how I roll. Be Jealous.

Why is Technology Changing my Soda Machine?

Going for a late night snack in the Student Union yesterday I was shocked and appalled at the new form of soda dispensary station. This is in no way shape or form the standard, what I was used to my entire life, soda machine.

This is what the common person thinks of when they imagine enjoying a ice cold caffeinated beverage.

But instead there was this box thing, with only one port for one cup at a time. Touch Screen LCD where you got to select a variety of options.

Surprisingly this picture is widely disproportional. the thing is maybe 6 feet tall, foot and half wide at the face and possibly 3 feet deep. No hoses or water supply or anything, just one power cable running out the back.

At first I am taken back for a second. In 20 years of life I have never had to deal with such a futuristic machine for such a simple task!

Ok, so somewhere in the back of me head I am thinking I have to take pictures and send them to everyone I know. Throwing the cup at my girlfriend and trying to whip out my phone to take pictures like a madman, people start staring. She is now pretending that she has no idea who this lunatic guy is (me) and I'm snapping pictures and holding up the line.

After a short photoshoot I tell her to attempt to get a drink.

The ice thing is a common push bar type of thing where you push it with the cup and the ice falls down into your cup. future technology is going to be hard to get to because it shot out ice at an alarming rate. Full cup of ice is a big NO GO for soda so I have to dump some of it out (more angry people in line).

No that we have ice, I focus my attention on the LCD screen. Looking at options it has all the standard drink options, Root Beer, Coke, Dr. Pepper, Water, Juice yada yada yada. Paging through options I find the Coke Classic. Select it. More options. They have the plain Coke, but now you can also choose Coke Cherry, Coke Lime, Vanilla Coke, and some options I can't even remember (I was to flustered). I choose Vanilla Coke.

After selecting those options I push the big ass button that say SODA on it to fill the cup. Looks very delicious. Walk to the table and take a sip...Sad to report, it tastes funny. Not Vanilla Coke, but Coke with a flavor shot of Vanilla. Big difference for hard core coke drinking people like myself. Whatever food is on the way so I will deal with it's somewhat "Off" flavor.

Upon further consideration of my funny tasting drink I came to the conclusion that it is a soda machine with the syrup bags inside it, but if you choose a flavored soda it adds a few drops of Vanilla concentrate, in my case. This is a very very sad day.

Go home and avoid doing homework by looking it up online and it appears this is a great new scheme to make money by Coke. It is called the Coca-Cola Freestyle.

Here is the official press release

Either way it is conceptually a good idea. In my simple math I came to the idea that it has combinations to make over 100 different types of drinks.

I am sadly disappointed in you Coke.